I haven’t been feeling very funny lately, my wit is fading, and as a matter of fact, I think I look and feel a little more like the poster child for Xanax than I do myself! Life has been a bit tumultuous lately to say the least.
You see, I live in a bubble. I like my bubble! My bubble is neat, clean, tidy, and generally germ free! It smells nice all of the time. The toilets, counter tops, and floors are clean. The beds are made. Toys stay in the toy place, books stay in the book place, and nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) is just scattered anywhere, ever! Yes, my bubble is a pleasant place and I’m really missing my bubble!
It all started about 3 weeks ago, my oldest daughter and her friend moved in with us. They left the drama of Georgia to start a new life in Texas. This pleases me! I love my daughter, I missed her terribly, and I want her here. But with them came mess, drama, noise, more mess, and a dog! Now my bubble has been violated and I am a nervous wreck, all day every day! They both got a job the second day they were here, waiting tables, which is wonderful, but with waitressing comes germs. Bad, icky germs. Flu germs, cold germs, virus germs, just germs! I hate germs!
The first week they were here, the potty-trained dog pooped on my bed, yes you heard me right, pooped on my bed. My daughter cleaned it up and washed my covers. Shhhh….please don’t tell my husband, he doesn’t know and hopefully won’t find out. The dog would be Shish Kabob! The dog pees in the kids’ room all of the time. It pees in my room. It pees in the living room. It pees in the bathroom when they lock it up in there. It just pees…all the time. My apartment, despite my constant vinegar and baking soda treatments, smells like a kennel. This does not please me. This does not please the girls because they don’t like to listen to me grumble!
The dog is also just dirty no matter how much they wash him, and he smells like a, well like a dog. My once roll-on-the floor, smell-good carpet is now just nasty. If you walk on the carpet for more than ten minutes, your feet will be dirty. The baby rolls around and he is dirty. Note, one should only get dirty when playing outside. Outside is for dirty, inside is for clean. Dirty inside = bad. Dirty inside = Xanax poster child!
They use lots of toilet paper. How can two girls use so much toilet paper? I need to buy stock in Charmin, well it wouldn’t help because I buy off-brand, but you get my gist.
Bubby, my once mild-mannered, sweeter than candy child pitches fits for no reason. Fits that only the son of an OCD, border-line bipolar personality mother could do. He’s good at it. I didn’t know he had it in him. I don’t like it!
I caught Bug today squatting behind the dinosaur in her room attempting to pee. I refrained from medieval punishment and just picked her up, popped her, and put her in her bed. When I asked what in the hell she thought she was doing, she simply replied “the dog does it”. Why yes, yes it does. Bad dog, bad Bug….oh I’m getting angry again! Bubby, again, the most mild-mannered, well-mannered child I have ever met, walked into the living room earlier today and said “the dog pissed” and pointed to the spot. Oh my, this is getting out of hand!
The oldest, as I stated, is waiting tables, so of course she got sick last week. I swore it was the flu, she thought a bad cold. I bought her some medicine but she continued to work and go out at night, despite being sick. She coughed while she was here, she hacked, she sneezed, she just spit germs everywhere and lo and behold, last night, Bubby started showing signs of being sick. Today, this baby woke up sick, I mean sick! Flu sick like you wouldn’t believe. Flu sick that broke this momma’s heart. His eyes are heavy and red and he walks around saying “don’t love it” and “love uh-uh”, as opposed to his usual “love it”, “like it”. No I’m not a happy camper. My apartment is germ-infested and I’m waiting for the next domino to fall. And I’m holding my breath until Bubby gets well because he is broken and my heart is heavy!
So in a nutshell, I’m a nut! This is a short-term situation but my psyche is long-term scarred. I love my kids. I want my girls near me. But I want my bubble back. I want my carpets clean, I want my toilets clean, I want my showers clean, I want to smell pretty smells, I want a germ-free household. I want the toys back in the toy place, the books back in the book place, and I want all of the damned clothes out of the floor. I want my counters back. I want my towels folded and clean. Oh and most importantly, I never want to see another dog hair as long as I live, and I never ever want to smell dog pee ever again, ever! Is that so much to ask? Xanax….take me away!
Christy Gossett, managing editor of SoFabFood and creator of the healthy living blog, Insanity Is Not An Option, is a WAHM of 6 kids ranging in age from 27 to 8. She enjoys sharing her heart-healthy, low sodium recipes to help others with dietary restrictions enjoy a flavorful life while maintaining a healthy diet.
Hey y'all! I'm Christy and I'm glad you could stop by. Have a seat, grab a drink or a straight jacket, and join me as I share heart-healthy recipes, stories and life lessons about my insanely large family, and whatever else pops into my hot mess of a mind! Read More…