He Spanked My Money Maker

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As I’ve stated many times, Bug is my challenge in life.  She often drives me to the point of true padded-cell, straight-jacketed type of insanity.  I’m afraid when she starts school, she will tell them her name is “Don’t” because we tell her that so often.  I beat myself up about it a lot.  I don’t understand where this behavior comes from, why is she so bad mischievous?  I mean, I am the rule queen, I follow and enforce all rules, there is a place for everything and everything is in it’s place.  I’ve kind of always blamed her father because he spoils her shamelessly and he himself is somewhat of a rule breaker.  So again today while I was cleaning, after getting on to her for jumping on my bed, teasing her brother, making a mess in her room, changing her clothes four times, and of course talking too much, I had one of those vision things you see in the movies and I’d like to share it with you. 
Picture this:  Circa 1972, somewhere in New England, I see a very petite 4-year-old, blond-haired, blue-eyed girl standing behind a shrub surrounded by 6 somewhat older boys  (they had to be all of 6 years old).  The little girl bore a striking resemblance to my Bug.  Wait was that me?  It was and I remember this day.  I remember it was allowance day in the neighborhood and I remember I didn’t get my allowance because I didn’t do my chores.  I remember I was mad.  One of the boys dared me to pull my pants down and show them my butt.  Things were way different back then so of course I said “Sure but it will cost you.”  “How much?”  “50 cents each!”.  Apparently they thought it was a bargain, because they all took the deal, handed over their money, so I pulled down my pants.  Sure was a cute little butt and I pulled in a cool $3.00 for this 30 second show.  That was a lot of money back then!  But just as in real life, in that vision, up pulls the old man at the exact second I’m pulling my shorts back up.  Holy crap, I was in big trouble, I could feel it!  Maybe he didn’t see it, he was really old (about 30 I think) so he’ll probably just keep pulling up the driveway.  
No such luck!  That old man caught on quick.  He jumped out of his car (who knew an old guy could move that quickly?) and stomped over to us and demanded to know what was happening.  I remained quiet and quickly hid my money.  It was my money, I had earned it!  Now if you are in my age bracket you can remember that “look” that only a father could give that would instill fear in the hearts of all children.  He gave that look.  One of the boys folded and told him what had happened.  Oh he was mad, no mad is quite an understatement.  This man was livid!  He quickly snatched me up, pulled my pants down and spanked my money maker right there in front of all of those boys.  Then he took MY money and gave it back to the boys and sent them home, promising of course that when he was “through with me”, he would be contacting their parents.  They ran, they had MY money!  Bastards!
I remained mad at my father for years over this.  I mean seriously, first the guy pulls down my pants (giving these hooligans a free peep show), then he pops my money maker, then he stole my money and gave it back to them.  Good parenting Dad!  My vision ended there, it was too traumatic, I had to shut it down.  
After this, I began remembering other little events in my life.  I remember my mother getting countless notes from the school, “Mrs. Thompson, Christy is a social butterfly, she flits around the class and we can’t get her to stay on task.” (I don’t even know what this means, how does one without wings flit?  But it must be bad because my Mom still brings it up!).  Other notes saying, “Mrs. Thompson, Christy is a very intelligent little girl, but she will not apply herself.”  “Mrs. Thompson, Christy got into a fight with a little boy on the playground today and she will not be allowed to participate in recess for the remainder of the week.” (In my defense that little kid wrote my name on the inside of his jean jacket because he liked me and showed all of the other kids…it was utterly embarrassing and he had to be punished).  Other things came to mind, but this is as far as I will take you with this because its been a rough day indeed!  
You see, I’ve just realized that the nut may not fall far from the tree.  Perhaps Little Miss Don’t got this from her mother which would be ME!  E-gads this is both disturbing and hopeful all at the same time.  Disturbing in the fact that this little girl might have inherited all of this bad mischievous behavior from me, but hopeful in the fact that she will someday outgrow all of this too!  
I’ve decided that I will keep this information to myself for now (well I’m telling all of you, but I am NOT telling my husband).  I’m going to test my theory.  Instead of constantly saying “don’t”, I am going to start asking “why?”.  I mean if she is really like me, she might have real motivation and possibly if I can understand her motivation, I can curb her behavior without breaking her spirit or spanking her money maker!  It’s worth a shot!
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About Christy

Christy Gossett, managing editor of SoFabFood and creator of the healthy living blog, Insanity Is Not An Option, is a WAHM of 6 kids ranging in age from 27 to 8. She enjoys sharing her heart-healthy, low sodium recipes to help others with dietary restrictions enjoy a flavorful life while maintaining a healthy diet.

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