The 12 Days of Filth

THIS is what 12 days of filth looks like!  Gross huh?  You know I vacuum every day!  I tell you that often!  I like the vacuum lines.  I love the cleanliness!  So when my world fell apart 2 Fridays ago (for those of you not good at math…like me…don’t fret!  I pulled out the calendar and my fingers…it was 12 days ago…TWELVE days) that my vacuum cleaner crapped out.  

The Friday before last, my vacuum cleaner finally bit the big one!  It went to the dumpster in the sky.  It ceased to exist.  And I was sad.  It was time.  We should have put it “down” awhile ago, but I’m a tight-wad so I held on as long as I could.  But seriously?  Right before Christmas?  That’s just not right! 
There have been numerous conversations (and grumbles) since that day!  “Go buy a new one baby”, answered with “right here at Christmas…on a budget?  I’ll wait!”.  Time and time again, the same conversation.  
And every day, it’s been the same thing.  I pick up lint balls, cookie crumbs, remnants of pop tarts, and I sweep the carpet.  Of course I sweep the carpet.  I’m grasping at carpet fiber straws here.  MUST.STAY.CLEAN!
So in light of the holiday season, I thought I’d share with you my 12 day plight (which of course ended with me buying a vacuum cleaner as a gift to me from B for Christmas at Walmart tonight and a thorough cleaning which resulted in the…ICK…above picture) of insanity in song!  I’ll spare you the repetitive boring details of the song I’m knocking off, but you get the point:
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A freaking broken vacuum….(and so on and so forth until the final day when I broke down): 

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
12 Pounds of lint,
11 (thousand) strands of hair,
10 big dust bunnies, 
9 sneezes from dusting,
8 maids I’m needing,
7 fur balls flying,
6 rules a breakin’, 
FIVE MORE DUST BALLS…
4 paper balls, 
3 french fries, 
2 chocolate chips,
and a Mom ready for the nut house!
And life as I know it is back to normal.  I will, of course, vacuum once or twice again in the morning.  If that canister fills up like that again, I’ll nut up once again and you’ll hear about it…AGAIN!  I just can’t stand filth.  So if you’ve taken anything from this ridiculous post, I hope that you now understand that cleanliness is indeed next to godliness.  And that the “devil”, as in my new Dirt Devil, is also next to godliness!  
I would rather starve than go without a vacuum cleaner for another 12 days!  Lesson learned!  Seriously….did you see that picture?  12 days?  Ewwaahh!  Be gone filth.  You are NOT welcome here!
And again, Merry Christmas y’all, and thanks for indulging me! 
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About Christy

Christy Gossett, managing editor of SoFabFood and creator of the healthy living blog, Insanity Is Not An Option, is a WAHM of 6 kids ranging in age from 27 to 8. She enjoys sharing her heart-healthy, low sodium recipes to help others with dietary restrictions enjoy a flavorful life while maintaining a healthy diet.

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  1. too funny- i saw your” filth” and was reminded of what it was like to live in a sand enviroment. my “devil” too looked like that. seems like you can never get all the sand out of the carpet ick and double ick. now i just have to deal with ga clay in faint beige carpet. hence the no shoes in the house rule.

  2. MSRheinlander says:

    I like how it looks “white” to go along with your theme : )
    I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!!

  3. Shoes? In the house? Surely you jest! No one allows shoes IN the house, do they?

  4. Jules Cohn says:

    OMG Christy, this is why I love you so much–you are so clever! I am glad you have a new vacuum so you do not go insane….you would have to change the name of the blog! (I like the vacuum lines too–oh, us crazy OCD girls!)

  5. LOL…I can just see your face now as you looked at the picture! You gagged a little, then gasped, then truly felt my pain!

  6. Barb Stewart says:

    Christy, oh my goodness! WOW, I could never imagine 12 days looking like that in a vacuum cleaner canister!

  7. Is it ok that I actually sang that song while reading! Too funny my dear! Glad you got a new vacuum!