When Do You Say Enough Is Enough? Am I Too Nice?

I’m a giver.  That’s what I do.  I’m pretty good at it actually!  But when do you say “enough is enough”?

I was a cheerleader in high school (giving support), I am a loyal friend (giving support), I am a dedicated wife (giving support), I am the mother of 6 (giving support), I am a blogger (giving support), I am a community member (giving support).  

But do I give way too much? I tend to think that I do NOT!  You can NEVER give too much, right?  
I’m beginning to think that I’m WRONG on this one!  
Seriously, how much can one person give without return?  Selfish thinking I know and not my type of thinking at all, but I’m backtracking and thinking (oh my stars, she’s thinking again) that maybe I give WAY too much.  
You see, over the past couple of years, I have felt violated in my giving way more than I care to mention.  At this very moment, I am being violated.  
I have given to children that don’t appreciate (parenting I know, I get this).  But I have given to children that were given up by their own mother, and still THEY don’t appreciate or respect me.  The children I gave birth to…well, they actually kind of DO get me, and in their own way, show me appreciation (I’ll take it)!  
I have been disrespected by ex husbands (which is why the have the title of EX) and even the current husband (by his own admission) but I remain nice!  I am loyal to a fault!
I have had “friends” betray me, but I’ve been nice!  Co-workers betray me, I’ve been nice.  Why am I so stinking nice to all of these people?
So I want to know…when is it time to say “WHEN”?  Seriously?  I’m in a situation right now with a family member, and I have bent over backwards, forwards, back bends and all!  You can’t even imagine the level of “niceness” I’ve shown!  And I am being pummeled!  I’ve kept my mouth shut.  I have fought with my husband.  I have been impatient (and possibly unkind) to my own children in an effort to be “nice” to this outsider.   
When do you say “when”?  How do you say “when”?  That is the question!  Oh the struggling with this niceness!  
One of these days I’ll put on my big girl panties and figure it all out, but for now?  I’ve just resigned to the fact that I’m too freakin nice for this world!
I hope y’all have a NICE night!
About Christy

Christy Gossett, managing editor of SoFabFood and creator of the healthy living blog, Insanity Is Not An Option, is a WAHM of 6 kids ranging in age from 27 to 8. She enjoys sharing her heart-healthy, low sodium recipes to help others with dietary restrictions enjoy a flavorful life while maintaining a healthy diet.

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  1. Ditto. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  2. Lily @Militaryfamof8 says:

    oh honey, I don’t like to see that you have a post where you are not sparkling.

    I have always felt ad been going through the same thing, too giving to those that don’t really appreciate or benefit from our giving. I finally had to make that decision last year, it was causing too many fights with my husband, ignoring my kids, denying my house, all because I was trying to put these Family members first, I quit. I HAD to put my husband and my children first, MY sanity first!!! or what’s left of it 😉 lol

    I tell you, it was SO hard for me to say stop and to walk away, it broke me for a few weeks, but I tell you with all my heart hunny, it was the best decision I have ever made!!!!

    hugging you!!!

  3. clgossett says:

    way easier said than done, right? glad to see you back and about the bloggy community Lily! WELCOME BACK!

  4. Kelly StClair says:

    I really get how you’re feeling. I’m the same way, and I’m in a similar situation with my brother and his new wife. It’s hard, but you just have to step back and take care of you. You cannot control how anyone else acts … only yourself. You need to make you happy before you worry about everyone else.

    Hang in there. I hope it all works out soon!

  5. Mommy LaDy Club says:

    I know how you feel! I think you do have to stand up for yourself and put your foot down, or people will just walk all over you. I’m getting better at that now in my 40’s, and it really does work! Try it one of these times, and you will feel liberated. When you’re confronting, always use “I feel like this and this”, not “you are doing this and this to me.” The other good one is, “I’m sorry, I’m unable to do that right now.” It’s very polite and to the point;) Hang in there!

  6. clgossett says:

    And it just keeps getting worse! Thank you all for all of your support! My friends rock!

  7. Sometimes people are mean to nice people because they hope to gain a reaction. These people tend to forget that not all people are built to be mean. It is the reality of the situation. Most people don’t appreciate or respect niceness. Believe me I know!!!!
    In the end you can only be who you are. Don’t let any one define you. Only you can do that.


  8. This is tough, it seems to be a rollercoaster sometimes with family members and bending over backwards to be nice or keep peace or looking at your hubby and being like, umm, I am your wife.. be your sparkley self and know you are better then anyone that may be causing you a headache!

  9. clgossett says:

    Thanks April! I just don’t “get” mean people but I guess that’s a good thing!

  10. Nice has a karma all its own girl!!! XOXOX

  11. Feeling like that right now and I’m ready to run. Always there. Always ready to please and now I know why. My self worth is too wrapped up in other’s opinions of me….big mistake. I’m done. Noticed I have a greater opinion of myself the more I say no and that just keeps growing with every no. There are so many ways I can show my love that have no connection to being a door mat. We do teach others how to treat us. We would like to think that relationships are reciprocal but that is the greatest lie. You give when you can and want to and you don’t when you can’t. I want to send my genuine love to all those women who know exactly what I’m talking about. I hope you have the strength to love you enough and when that happens they all come running.