Thinking Through the Turmoil

The best thinking has been done in solitude. The worst has been done in turmoil.
~Thomas A. Edison
I do my best thinking in solitude, and it’s where I’m at my most reasonable. Unfortunately, like many, I do most of my thinking in turmoil. Amidst the chaos in life. 

In my defense, my life has been nothing but chaos and turmoil for almost a year and a half. Since January 9, 2012 to be exact (with the exception of April 2012…that was a good month). We’ve had one “guest” after another since that dreaded date in time. We’ve paid their bills, I’ve been their maid and doormat, I’ve put up with a lot. I’ve shared some of that with you but I’ve hidden much more than I’ve shared. Why? Because I hate negativity but the truth of the matter is, the past year and a half of my life has been a negative experience

Not every moment has been negative. I’ve had my ups. My babies keep me laughing and my friends keep me sane. B and I have our good times too, but not as much as we used to. That makes me saddest of all actually. We’ve allowed people, and chaos, to get in the way of our happiness. He just doesn’t get why I get so frustrated. He’s not here enough. He’s not dealing with the turmoil. But truth be told, it’s not my turmoil, it’s his. 

You see, my family would never invite themselves in to my home and stay for weeks, or months, or years, and take advantage of us. It’s not their thing. A week here or there for a vacation, sure, but not disrespectful amounts of time…and money…that take away from the family that lives in my home. NEVER!

I love B, and I love that he wants to help his family out. Heck, I want to help them. But the disrespect and the chaos…the constant turmoil…has got to end. Bug has new “habits” like stealing and lying that she’s learned over the past year and a half. She gets in trouble for her infractions while the others did not. They’re allowed to steal and lie. After all, they won’t be staying here forever, but she will. It doesn’t seem fair. It’s not fair!

So what do I need to do? I need to start going outside more often to formulate my thoughts, reactions, and conversations. I go out and look at the night sky often. I have amazing, thoughtful epiphanies and I come in ready to share how we can “fix this thing”. But I walk back into the chaos and I stop thinking again. I react. And I’m not always nice with my reactions. I guess I seem like the bad guy but honestly, I’m the reasonable one in the bunch. 

I need normalcy. My babies need normalcy. It’s time for the chaos and turmoil to stop. Once the last “guest” leaves after this extended stay (which in all honesty is not nearly the extended stay of the others, but it’s coming on the tail of those so it’s still hard to deal with), the chaos will be over. We will not be extending our home, our checkbook, our LIVES to this turmoil anymore on a long term basis. We deserve solitude, peace, and happiness. 

Everyone does. It’s my turn to shine again. I’m basically a very happy person but I’ve learned over the past year and a half that I’m happiest, and I shine the most, and I can be myself, when I’m furthest away from the turmoil. If you’ve met me over the past year, away from my home, you’ve seen that side of me. The true side of me. I’m ready to be happy and just enjoy my family, and our solitude, again. 
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About Christy

Christy Gossett, managing editor of SoFabFood and creator of the healthy living blog, Insanity Is Not An Option, is a WAHM of 6 kids ranging in age from 27 to 8. She enjoys sharing her heart-healthy, low sodium recipes to help others with dietary restrictions enjoy a flavorful life while maintaining a healthy diet.

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  1. MommyTesters says:

    You are a generous lady. I think allowing others you may not want in your personal space is a bazillion times more difficult and stressful than helping someone out financially or offering up the occasional crash pad. You’re right, it sounds like you’ve more than paid your dues and it’s time for you to get a chance to have your alone time with your family and be in control of how you’d like things to go without any outside influences. Sparkle on 🙂

  2. loveandcents says:

    Love this post. Love your honesty! You are wonderful! Never change! 🙂