My marriage isn’t perfect. In fact, it’s been quite rocky at times. Much more rocky than I’ve let on. There’s been heart break on both sides. Marriages, any partnerships in general, are like that sometimes. But there’s always more good than bad. That’s how I weigh things out. More good than bad? That equals worth it to me, no matter the struggles.
On the road to greatness, you always have trials. Nothing is ever perfect. NOTHING. Life isn’t easy. It’s all about who triumphs in the end. I feel like we’re about to win. Win in a big way. We’re, for possibly the first time ever, on the same page. We’re working on our future, our golden years I guess, together. And it’s a beautiful thing.
While I was out of town, and probably doubting this insane relationship more than I have in the past, I got a great reminder of why this is all worth it. A friend, a co-worker, asked me a question. Were those roses that were always behind me in pictures and in hangouts, always pink, fake? The answer was a resounding no. See, even through the craziness, B always seems to make sure that I have fresh roses in my office, always pink, because he knows they make me smile. Yes, there have been breaks in that, but not often.
That got me to thinking that maybe he does love me, or at least he likes to see me smile. OK, so I had a moment and I reminded myself, at that moment, that I could hold out until he “grew up”. I came home to a dozen new pink roses. Beautiful as always. But possibly hollow by this point?
They literally started to die the day after I came home. A sign? Yes, but not what you’re thinking. He went to Kroger the next night. He’d noticed the dying roses I guess. They had nothing pink. He was disappointed but picked up a lovely bouquet of white roses because he knows I love those too. And you know what? That was a sign!
A sign of peace. The minute I landed in Texas, he had told me that he thought about everything he’s done over the years, about our problems. He wanted to “fix” everything and he vowed things would be better. For the first time in a long time, I saw a different spark in his eyes, his beautiful piercing blue eyes. He meant it. I felt it.
And then, the next day without knowing it, he bought peace roses. I don’t think this is a coincidence and I hope it lasts this time.
I was ready to give up. Like, for real, ready.
Maybe he sensed it? Maybe he already knew. Maybe he was too. Of course he was. I’m difficult. He is too. It’s kind of “our thing”. Maybe, just maybe, things are going to be OK. I sure hope so. There is true love here, but execution has been a huge problem for a long time, and trust. That’s a biggie.
Wish us luck y’all because I think for the first time in a long time, we’re both ready to make this thing work! I’m ready for peace, and for love. I think he is too. It’s time. Long overdue actually. If you love this hard, you should reap the benefits. I’m ready. I’m willing. I’m digging the peace roses. I’m just digging life!