Happy New Year! What does 2015 hold in store for you? I know I might be a little late with this message (don’t count the days, I’ve already done that for you), but I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the past few days, months, years in fact. For me, 2015 is the year of family. I want to be present. I want to be here, here. Not just here. I focus a lot on my career, on financial stability, for my family. We’re doing well financially, and we’re always together as a family. But by together I mean, other than work and school hours, we’re always together, in the same room, on laptops, phones, tablets…together. We’re not paying attention to each other necessarily, but we’re together, alone in our own worlds…together. I don’t want that anymore. I want to be present. I want them to be present.
I’m not present.
Don’t get me wrong, I do a LOT for my family. I get up before the sun comes up and kiss B goodbye before he heads for work. I get the babies up, feed them breakfast, make sure they are dressed and cleaned up for school. I drive them to school, about an hour round trip, and get them there on time, and then I drive home. I start my “real” job the minute I walk in the door, and I work all day. I rarely shower (because who has time for that?), and at 3:00 pm, on the dot, every day, I leave to pick the babies up from school again. I come home, work my “real” job some more, then I start working my family “job”. Fix and serve dinner, spend “time” with them, homework, bath time, dinner clean up, breakfast prep, clothes laid out for school, school and work lunches fixed, laundry to do, living room clean up, more “real” work before bed, lather, rinse, repeat. They’re well cared for.
But I’m not present.
I’m too busy with the day-to-day. I’m too busy paying bills, worrying about saving another dime. I’m too busy keeping up with everything. I’m just busy.
Not being present.
My family means everything to me and if we had to live in a cardboard box tomorrow, I’d be OK as long as the box was big enough for all of us. Present. I need to be present. I need to show them that they are my world. I feel it in my heart, but I don’t always show them. In fact, I probably rarely show them. I’m too busy taking care of them, and everything else, to show them that without them, I’m nothing. We get caught up in trivial things that cause fights that mean nothing. They mean so much more to me than fighting over nothing. They mean everything. I need to be present.
I’m not present.
So in 2015, I will be present. I will show my family that they mean more to me than prosperity, than a silly laptop, than anything a job has to offer. Present. They mean more to me than anything. Family, for richer or poorer, is where it’s at. They are my world and I will be the wife, the mom, the family person they deserve this year. I’ll still take care of their overly ridiculous daily needs, but that’s what I signed up for. I’ll still keep up with my finances, with my job (because I really am passionate about my work), with all of the day-to-day stuff. I just need to learn how to juggle it all so that I can be here, here more.
In 2015, I’ll be present because in the end, family is all that matters.