Dear Society, Kylee is NEVER Going to Fit in Your Round Hole and It’s OK!

difficult child, parenting, advanced child, school difficulties

Dear school teachers, dear school admins, dear society, I get it. She drives me crazy too. But Kylee, my Bug, is never going to fit in your round holes. Don’t force her to conform. She can’t. Although it pains me, I won’t make her. She’s not built like everyone else and that’s what makes her unique. She’s clever, she’s cunning, but she’s not cut from the same cloth that you are. Don’t make her think that she’s anything less because she’s different. She’s not less. She’s different.

Don’t get me wrong, when she’s awake, when she’s making me doubt my parenting skills, I get frustrated too. But then I step back and really look at her. I look deeply into those big blue, knowing, defiant eyes, and I see the spark. When I watch her peacefully sleep, I see her “normal”. And it’s in those moments that I know that my square peg is anything but less. She’s more. More than you’ll ever know because you don’t give her a chance. Give her rote activities and she won’t do well. Challenge her creative side and you’ll surely see her shine. No, she’ll never fit your round hole, but her square peg of a self might just make a difference in this world if you’ll just let her never-easy-to-deal-with self shine. Let my baby shine. Let her be the difficult little thing that she is now because there is amazement in those defiant eyes. They defy the world because the world doesn’t accept the square pegs. Many a square peg has created light, the telephone, and flight. Embrace the square pegs.

Stop worrying about your state’s scores and start worrying about our children. For the first 3 years of her school career, she was in advanced classes. I pulled her. She started to struggle. You know why she struggled? Because she was bored with your state standards. She was bored with your lessons. She was bored with your tests. She was tired of being a square peg that was being shoved into your round holes. I grew tired of it too.

I get it. You’re doing your job. You’re very kind. You want my daughter to conform, to be round. But if you sit down and talk to her, I mean really talk, you’ll understand that you’re making a grievous error. She’s difficult, I know, and I apologize for that. I do mandate that she conforms on a behavioral basis and you’ve all confirmed that she does. But I will not force her to conform just for the sake of testing. I embrace her square personality and I defy you to shove her in your round hole.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, with this ridiculously long rant, is that although she frustrates me too, I “get” her. I once was that square peg being shoved in that round hole. I didn’t fit. I probably never will. In fact, I don’t want to. I love my rough, square edges, and I love hers. Leave her alone. Let her be different. Different is good. Different is not less. Different is more. She’s more than you acknowledge. She’s more. She’ll always be more. Different. Be frustrated, be annoyed, be angry even, it’s OK. But remember that “different” leads to great things. She’ll be great if we just foster her right to be different. She’s not hurting you, don’t hurt her. Don’t shove her in that round hole. Just don’t.

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About Christy

Christy Gossett, managing editor of SoFabFood and creator of the healthy living blog, Insanity Is Not An Option, is a WAHM of 6 kids ranging in age from 27 to 8. She enjoys sharing her heart-healthy, low sodium recipes to help others with dietary restrictions enjoy a flavorful life while maintaining a healthy diet.

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  1. I have one of those different kids, too. I put him in this advanced class in the first grade and he comes home crying because he doesn’t want to take another math test. He’s sharp as a whip and he drives me up the wall, but at school he is different. He can behave like the rest of the kids, but he makes noises in class. He smiles and makes jokes so others will like him. He’s different in a different way than your Bug. I feel your passion in this post and I hope that her teachers read this and listen, really listen.
    JanetGoingCrazy recently posted…Quick & Easy Breakfast Idea: Baked Eggs in Sausage Hashbrowns CupsMy Profile

  2. Thanks, Janet. I do know that your boy is “different” too and you’ve had some troubles. It’s so frustrating as a parent!

  3. Keep up the good work, Mom! If you don’t advocate for your child, no one will. I wish the state mandated the school system to teach to the child, not the test. Each and every child has so much to offer, too bad the school systems tend to stifle it, instead of celebrating it.
    Michele recently posted…6 WINTER SKIN HEALTH TIPSMy Profile

  4. Very frustrating situation, I bet. My son started Kindergarten and is starting to say he is bored, which has me a little worried. He is super smart and says he already knows everything she’s teaching.
    Molly recently posted…Cleaning our Epic Messes with Eureka PowerMy Profile

    • Keep an eye on him now. It might get better, he might get an amazing teacher that challenges him. My Bug had one last year, but this year is something different all together. Good luck!

  5. Thank you. Some days I feel like I’m the only mom parenting a child that doesn’t fit into the state’s ideas of what kids *should* be. It’s frustrating. Not everyone is made to fit in and that’s OK. More people need to understand that and our school system needs to have a way to teach kids that are different.
    Ellen Christian recently posted…Thanksgiving Place Setting Ideas | Cornucopia CraftsMy Profile

  6. From a mom who has been there, I understand. When my daughter was in 2nd grade, we had a meeting with the school about her. They wanted me to put on drugs for ADD. I said she was bored. After 3rd grade I pulled her out of school and homeschooled her. She graduated from high school last year, at the same time she was on the President’s List at our local community college. She will finish her AA before moving on to an art school to become an animator. She was given two scholarships to complete her AA, which she will have at 18. She didn’t fit in the classroom because she had to wait for everyone else to catch up. Now, she can fly at her pace. 🙂 You’ll look back at this time and smile.
    Kelly Stilwell recently posted…Top 6 Reasons to Visit Busch Gardens TampaMy Profile

    • Oh, Kelly, I remember reading about your daughter’s successes in a post a couple of years back. I had NO clue then that she, too, was a square peg. That gives me much hope. Thank you! And congrats to you and your daughter.