Dear Society, Kylee is NEVER Going to Fit in Your Round Hole and It’s OK!

difficult child, parenting, advanced child, school difficulties

Dear school teachers, dear school admins, dear society, I get it. She drives me crazy too. But Kylee, my Bug, is never going to fit in your round holes. Don’t force her to conform. She can’t. Although it pains me, I won’t make her. She’s not built like everyone else and that’s what makes her unique. She’s clever, she’s cunning, but she’s not cut from the same cloth that you are. Don’t make her think that she’s anything less because she’s different. She’s not less. She’s different.

Don’t get me wrong, when she’s awake, when she’s making me doubt my parenting skills, I get frustrated too. But then I step back and really look at her. I look deeply into those big blue, knowing, defiant eyes, and I see the spark. When I watch her peacefully sleep, I see her “normal”. And it’s in those moments that I know that my square peg is anything but less. She’s more. More than you’ll ever know because you don’t give her a chance. Give her rote activities and she won’t do well. Challenge her creative side and you’ll surely see her shine. No, she’ll never fit your round hole, but her square peg of a self might just make a difference in this world if you’ll just let her never-easy-to-deal-with self shine. Let my baby shine. Let her be the difficult little thing that she is now because there is amazement in those defiant eyes. They defy the world because the world doesn’t accept the square pegs. Many a square peg has created light, the telephone, and flight. Embrace the square pegs.

Stop worrying about your state’s scores and start worrying about our children. For the first 3 years of her school career, she was in advanced classes. I pulled her. She started to struggle. You know why she struggled? Because she was bored with your state standards. She was bored with your lessons. She was bored with your tests. She was tired of being a square peg that was being shoved into your round holes. I grew tired of it too.

I get it. You’re doing your job. You’re very kind. You want my daughter to conform, to be round. But if you sit down and talk to her, I mean really talk, you’ll understand that you’re making a grievous error. She’s difficult, I know, and I apologize for that. I do mandate that she conforms on a behavioral basis and you’ve all confirmed that she does. But I will not force her to conform just for the sake of testing. I embrace her square personality and I defy you to shove her in your round hole.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, with this ridiculously long rant, is that although she frustrates me too, I “get” her. I once was that square peg being shoved in that round hole. I didn’t fit. I probably never will. In fact, I don’t want to. I love my rough, square edges, and I love hers. Leave her alone. Let her be different. Different is good. Different is not less. Different is more. She’s more than you acknowledge. She’s more. She’ll always be more. Different. Be frustrated, be annoyed, be angry even, it’s OK. But remember that “different” leads to great things. She’ll be great if we just foster her right to be different. She’s not hurting you, don’t hurt her. Don’t shove her in that round hole. Just don’t.

My first “baby” is 20! What the what?

Paetyn 1994
My first baby is 20 today. What the what? For those of you that really know me, you know I have 3 “sets” of babies. I had my first “set” when I was pretty young (yes, I was young once) from my first (oh what a mistake other than the babies) husband. My 2nd “set” came to me ready made when I married B. And my 3rd “set” came from this crazy life that you read about daily with Bug and Bubby (which by the way is totally my last set).

BUT, my baby from my first set? She’s 20 today. TWENTY. And she has a baby of her own. Yes, that makes me a grandma, or Mimi as I prefer. Y’all, she’s grown! When did this happen? In a blink, my “first” baby is grown. And what a beautiful grown up she’s turned out to be. I’m proud, I’m elated, and I’m sad. I really miss my baby.

my first baby bright

That girl? That little hot mess that couldn’t go to school without mommy sitting by her desk for at least 10 minutes before she could acclimate every day? She’s grown. And she’s a mommy. And she’s a good mommy at that. And she’s 20. TWENTY freakin years old. My “first” baby. Plus, when did she get that tall?

I remember the day she was born, like it was yesterday, but it wasn’t. She was gorgeous. Red headed fuzz and all. My “first” baby. In some ways, she’ll always be my baby, whether she has her own baby or not, and whether I’ve had more babies or not. She was my first, and at that time, my last. My baby.

She wears her heart on her sleeve, like her mommy, and she’s as shy as the day is long, very much unlike her mommy. The day she was born, my life was complete, because she was MY baby. And now, she’s blessed me with a grandchild, a legacy. A new heart that beats in a whole new way. Love.

Having children was my calling, whether I knew it or not. My “first” baby taught me the meaning of love by being born, and by showing me the world that only a Mimi could see. Thank you baby girl for gracing my life. And thank you for carrying on this legacy. The day you were born, I heard the angels sing.

Happy birthday! I love you more than the world is big, but you already knew that! I hope.

25 years ago today, I became a Mom, and my destiny changed!

me and bry 1989
I was gonna be an actress, I was gonna be a star, I was gonna shake my ass, on the hood of White Snakes’ car. Seriously, y’all, I was gonna be BIG. I was young, beautiful, and ready for the world. Then…I got knocked up. My life changed. I was a mom. No more dreams of UCLA, no more dreams of Hollywood. A mom?

Knocked up at 21. That was not my plan. I was going places. I had a plan. I was the next Audrey Hepburn. Seriously, that would have been me, if not for…knocked up. But it happened and that’s where my life began.

Bryana…my first. My love. My heart was full and my dreams of grandeur went out in smoke. But I was cool with that the minute I saw her beautiful, fat, 9 pound, 4 ounce chubby face. I was hooked. And then I was a mom. My new dream.

This baby, this now 25 year old baby, completed my world. THIS was who I was meant to be. Bump fame…motherhood was where it was at! It’s challenging. Everything worthwhile is challenging. But this baby helped me, accidentally, find my true calling in life. Fame was never meant to find me. Motherhood was.

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After all of these years, 4 kids later, I realize that I was intended to be a mom. My babies are my life. I couldn’t exist without them so I’m so glad a higher force had a greater plan for me. Am I the perfect mom? HECK NO! But I love my babies, and they love me. It doesn’t get much better than that. I’m where I’m at for a reason. I belong here. And I’m glad I had an awesome surprise 25 years ago. I was meant to be a mom.

me and bry

Whether I knew it or not, this was my destiny. Thanks for coming into my life and happy birthday. You changed my life, for the better, and I’ll forever be grateful to you. I thought I was destined for greatness, but I never knew the greatness I could achieve by bringing so much beauty into the world. I love you more than the world is big, more than the sky is blue, more than the ocean’s deep. That’s how much I love you. And that’s how thankful I am that you changed my life’s plan. I wouldn’t have it any other way. YOU, and your siblings, were my destiny.

Thank you for completing me!