This is not a humorous post, I'm sorry, but the holidays often bring out the doom and gloom in a lot of us. This time of year makes us question our relationships, our status and direction in life, makes us feel the burdens of our finances, makes us feel the distance we have (literally and figuratively) with family and friends....let's face it, this can be a stressful and depressing time of year! Some take these feelings of anguish to the extreme, I just tend to mope. You try to stay positive, happy, and dare you try jolly, but sometimes it's rougher than others. I'm having a hard time this year.
Don't get me wrong, for the most part I love my life. I love my family and I love that I get to stay home with my babies, but I'm feeling especially non-festive this year and by sharing I feel I might be able to cope a little better and I'm hoping that if anyone else can relate, maybe they won't feel as alone.
I miss my girls, this might be the hardest part of all. Yes, they are 21 and 16 and I know they are OK, but I'm not with them, I've always been with them. There were many Christmases when it was just “the girls and I” and now I spend Christmases without them. I am not alone by any means, but this in fact makes me feel lonely so I mope!.
We are a recession family, we're broke! Normally, I'm OK with that...we pay the bills, we eat, we have a roof over our heads, but I want to buy my kids things for Christmas that I know I can't afford. They will all be fine and none of them (but 2) will complain, but it saddens my heart. I want them to have things, I want to see them smile, I want to be the one to give them these things and make those smiles happen. But unfortunately, that is not in the cards, so again I mope!
My husband gets frustrated because he “can't give us the things that we need”, but he's wrong. He gives us all of the necessities in life and I'm frustrated that I am not able to contribute more financially, this measly babysitting money is not helping much at all! I'm sad that he feels that he is not a good provider, he is, I tell him often but I don't think he really hears me! Again I mope!
Well, we've decorated our apartment, we put up our little tree, we're counting down the days until Christmas on our little count-down board, but I just can't shake this funk no matter how hard I try. I know there are many of you out there facing similar feelings, especially this year, and I want you to know you are not alone. This time of year is rough, it is OK to mope, but it is NOT OK to take it to the extreme. I say, let's all “man up” and try to make jolly and enjoy the holidays! From this day forward until Christmas (and hopefully every day thereafter), I am going to remind myself that I am healthy, I have 6 healthy children, I do have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a husband that I love truly, madly, deeply! So to all of you fellow mopers, happy holidays...let's just try to enjoy our blessings rather than dwell on the stuff we can't change! Peace, Love, and Hope to all of you!
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