Today, I want to talk to you about something that’s NOT so pretty! Not so sparkly! Not my typical subject. Did you know that one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime? I am that ONE!
I love who I’ve become, I love my sparkly life, but let me tell you…it wasn’t always this way! Not even close!
See that mother-daughter combo to your left? That’s me and my oldest many moons ago! We were all smiles and laughter! I was in my very early 20’s and she was my pride and joy!
But back then, life behind the camera was not as pretty as this picture! I was controlled, I was chastised, and I was abused! YUP…that’s right! It’s not just the weak that get punched on! I’m NOT weak, you know that! It’s Brave Woman from all walks of life that suffer in silence!
So long story short (well as short as I can make it, you know how I roll), I’d like to tell you my story! I’d like for you to know why I am so passionate about this cause; why I want you to take the Pledge for a Brave Woman; why I want you to follow along on Facebook; why I want you to join in the conversation on Twitter. Yes, you should follow along everywhere. These women deserve your support and a second chance! They aren’t weak…they aren’t victims….THEY ARE BRAVE!
So my story? It started many years ago. Circa 1986…a 19-year-old girl ready for the world! I met this “boy”. He was handsome and he was attentive. I was ready to be a “big girl” and move on to the real world. It all started out beautifully!
Fast forward 2 years. I’d seen the signs but ignored them. “You can’t wear that”, “You can’t go there”, “You can’t be friends with her”. It was all OK, he “loved” me! And then the wedding was planned. It was a small wedding with just very close friends and family, and I was a beautiful bride (if I do say so myself). We had a brief honeymoon, but I was sick the whole time!
Sick? Of course I was! We found out 3 days after we were married that “we” were pregnant! Oh the joy (so I thought), oh the excitement (so I thought). But really, all it meant was that the control factor would kick into high gear. HE OWNED ME! And the real torment began.
He started hitting me! He started telling me that I was a worthless piece of trash and that without him, I was nothing. But he was the father of my unborn baby, and things would change once she was born…I knew they would!
And my beautiful princess came into this world on June 27, 1989. My days of torment were over! He would cherish and adore us! Nope! He would beat me and leave me unconscious on a regular basis. This was my “place” in life, as he reminded me often. He would “let” me go to work to support him and my precious baby, and he would “hurt” me if I stepped out of line or told anyone!
I lived in fear for myself, and for my beautiful baby girl! But we stayed because he WOULD change…he promised!
And the years went on, and the beatings continued. I looked down gun barrels, I felt the sting of knives, I survived. And I lived my life! You see, most of the bruises left by an abuser (a coward) are left on the ribs, on the legs, on the arms…you know…the places people don’t see! And the “victim” hides them out of embarrassment and shame. And for those that can’t be hidden, there are sick days and well thought-out lies.
I was ready to leave. It had been 7 years of hell, but lo and behold, after many forced sexual encounters, I was pregnant again. So I stayed! I endured the beatings and thankfully, my #2 baby girl made it through things I don’t even want to explain!
I was 27 and I had a 5 year old and an infant. My once loving husband was now a full-blown crack head! He stole every dime I made. I was the only one working. I was now raising 2 girls AND him, on my own, in the shadows, painting a beautiful picture for my family and the few friends I had left!
Fast forward 5 months. Paet couldn’t sleep and was crying. Babies have trouble some times! I did all that I could. Bry was asleep and I didn’t want to wake her. God forbid Patrick and his crack-head buddies were disturbed because you can imagine what kind of punishment I would endure for that! So I rocked more and attempted to console her. She wouldn’t stop crying!
I heard the footsteps up the stairs. He said nothing…just swung, made full face contact and it hurt. But it only hurt me and I was numb to that by then. I grabbed my baby and started to run. He caught me and pushed US down the stairs. Yes, I was holding my baby girl as I tumbled down the stairs. Thankfully, she was not hurt, but in that moment as I lay at the bottom of those stairs sore and bleeding, I made my decision. He had finally gone too far and I felt BRAVE!
I grabbed my girls right then, left, and we never went back! The divorce took a little over 2 years to finalize. He wouldn’t take the parenting class, was a repeated no-show at court, etc.
During that time, there were many nights that he’d call threatening to burn our house down…with us in it! He would rather we were dead than for him to live without us!
I lived in FEAR for so long! He showed up on our doorstep on more than one occasion. But you know what? He was just a bully! He never “burned us down”. He stopped hurting ME because I no longer allowed it! And I swore that he would NEVER hurt my girls…EVER!
And the beauty of it is, to this day HE is the victim…NOT ME…NOT MY GIRLS! He has “changed” as I always hoped he would. He has seen the error of his ways. There are stories that I won’t go into here, but he knows his loss! The girls consider him a “sperm donor” and I am Mom and Dad, and I am strong!
I don’t know if I’m a Brave Woman but I know I support this mission! There are so many suffering in silence, and they don’t know how to escape. Will you help them? These women are NOT victims! They are strong, they are beautiful, and they need the support to GET OUT! Will you do your part? Take the PLEDGE now!
And if you are a brave woman looking for a way out, there is help! You can do this! You deserve to shine, not suffer in silence!
Disclosure: This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias. All ideas, opinions, and ideas/rantings are entirely my own!
About Christy
Oh gosh Christy, thank you SO much for sharing your story. I am so, so, so very sorry you ever had to endure that crap! I know so many women who need to hear this and who need to wake up and realize that NOBODY has a right to treat them badly.
You ARE a brave woman and I am so proud to call you friend! I’m so happy I “met” you through Social Fabric because you, my friend, carry all the Sparkly Wonderfulness in the world and are a pleasure to work along side!
i have no idea what to say. i really don’t.
You are totally a brave woman. Brave because you saved yourself. Brave because you saved your babies. And brave because you shared your story. And there’s someone else out there right now that is going to feel a little bit braver, too because you’ve inspired her.
Christy, you are A Brave Woman. Thank God you found the strength to get yourself and your children out of that.
I want to thank y’all for commenting here! I appreciate you more than you know! This was an emotional ride for me…but a long overdue emotional ride! Might I add “he” was 6’2″ 250 lbs, while I was (and still am) a mere 5’2″ 95 pounder. These cowards need to be stopped! YAY to the Brave Woman Organization!
Oh Christy, you ARE a Brave Woman! Please don’t EVER think for one second you are not! I am so glad you got out of there and though I am new to the group I am glad I am getting the chance to know you. May God forever bless you.
Awww sweetie…I’m so very, very sorry that you went through such an awful experience! I am so thankful that you got out of that situation! You are a brave woman…sparkle on!
Wow Christy, I knew you had a difficult first marriage, but I had no idea how difficult! You are a great Mom and a strong woman!
Wow. I felt like I was reading my own story here. I too stayed because I was pregnant…he would have to love me now, right? Wrong. He pushed me around and abused me while pregnant too…landed at the hospital because I had landed on my stomach and started bleeding. But I couldn’t leave because now we were going to be a “family”. Not until the abuse turned to my children as well (plus affairs, Internet porn, chat rooms) did I finally find the courage to say “enough! GET OUT” and now I gave someone who has shown me how love is supposed to be. Sadly, the kids still endure verbal abuse from him, .but they know its HIM and not them. I move toy dear, beautiful Christy. Thank you for being strong enough to share your story.
This brought tears to my eyes…. I too went through times like this. Two boyfriends during my twenties, both just incredibly bad. Thank goodness that I didn’t have kids or attachments to either of them, yet still it took me years to leave either of them. I wasn’t sure if I was going to share much of my story or not in my Brave Woman post I’m writing tonight – but after reading your post, you’ve made ME brave enough to share my story too.
I think it’s so important to talk about this issue – so many women keep it covered up out of shame. When you read someone else’s story, and see that it can happen to anyone – it can hopefully help someone reading it to be stronger too, and get out of their own bad spot.
You’re amazing – and this was an amazing post
I surely would NOT say amazing, but thank you my dear sweet friend! I’m sorry to hear that you went through anything like that! And I’m looking forward to reading your post. I think in this case, it’s super important to put it out there. If just ONE woman reads something that helps her escape her suffering, that IS amazing!
WOW… definitely a BRAVE woman my friend! I am so glad that you are past this and your life is all sparkles now! Thanks for sharing your not so sparkly story with the world. I know it will end up helping someone!!
You ARE brave. Getting through what you did is brave. Taking your girls and yourself out of that situation is brave. Not letting it take the rest of your life from you is brave. Telling your story is brave. Using your story to help others? That’s where your sparkle comes from.
I don’t doubt that this was a difficult story to share, I pray that it ads to the cleansing process. Your are definitely a Brave Woman for not only getting through but for telling about it.
You are BRAVE! Your not only showing others that it can and does happen to anyone but they have the opportunity to leave as well.
My heart aches for you having to relive this but I know that you know in your heart that it was the right thing to do for other’s suffering with the choices to leave.
Thanks for sharing your story with us;)
I am so glad you were able to get out of that. It takes a lot of courage to finally leave and never go back. Things like this are so hard to talk to and so many just keep it to themselves out of fear.
Love you, Christy, and I’m so proud of you. We’re apparently “sisters” in more ways than we knew. Sparkle on, Brave Woman!
I’m so glad you decided to follow your heart and put it all out there! May your bravery inspire others to find the strength to protect themselves and their children and find support from those of us who have gone before! My very best to you and yours in the New Year!
Oh, wow. just DARN it!! Thank God you left. You are a Brave Woman & Mommy!! Yes, cowards choose to hit places people can’t see…I am so sorry, Christy!!! HUGS and thank you for daring to get it all out there! Good for you.
Wow. I am at a loss for words. Christy you are amazing. Your positive personality always shines through and obviously it has helped you through very difficult times in your life. I wish you nothing but sparkles and sprinkles:)
You are so brave for sharing your story! I’m so glad to hear you and your girls are safe and happy.
How dare you say you are not a brave woman!! You are! thank you for sharing your story and helping other women be brave too.
I don’t know what to say besides I am proud of you. I am proud of you for so many things but this takes the cake. I am glad I have someone so strong as a friend. <3