Life isn’t always sunshine and sparkles. We all know this but we plug along and we hope for the best. For the most part, my life is pretty sparkly and sunshine abounds. But lately, for the past month or so primarily, it’s been pretty craptastic and I’ve been trying to hide that from you. I’d rather share my sparkles than to dull the sparkles of others with my tales of woe.
I’ve stayed relatively quiet on social so as not to be negative and I’ve buried myself in my work because that’s where I shine. I have this obsession strong desire to be perfect and I tend to gravitate towards those that appreciate my perceived perfection. That’s how I reward myself and how I feed my perfectionist tendencies. But I tend to neglect those that see my flaws. I hide from them. I hide my feelings of rejection and hurt and I ignore their wants and needs because they just don’t see how great I am, every single moment of every single day.
But this month, the bottom fell out. There was real trouble within my own home and I ignored it because I don’t like ugly. I had buried myself so deeply in the sparkly things, that I’d neglected to see and correct the ugly. My family was falling apart, and I ignored it. It would go away. Or would it? No, it would rear its ugly head and culminate in a family-breaking event. I had to face it but I didn’t know how. The damage was done.
I won’t go in to detail because even someone that lives such a public life realizes that some things should remain behind closed doors. I know you can respect that. I will say that I woke up this morning and realized that I needed to make a change.
Today, the babies and I headed to the island to cleanse. That is our home and we needed to see true beauty. We quite honestly packed the car down with everything that would fit and had planned on staying. Instead, we laughed, we spent time together, we had lots of “huggie time”, but in the end, we decided to come back to this dreaded place to put our family back in order. Our family belongs together. And our family, as a whole, has decided that we need to get our acts together and back to our roots. There will be counseling, I’m sure. There will be more tears, I’m sure. There will be a lot of soul searching. But we will remain a family, on that we all agree.
On a positive note, we’ve decided to move back to the island before we had planned. That is where we belong and I plan on looking in to that first thing in the morning. We need to get out of here! And I have a crazy exciting new job that kicks off tomorrow that will offer more stability and a more structured schedule that will allow more time for my family. The cleansing today has really given me a new lease on life. I’d gotten in to a rut and I helped to facilitate the down slide of my family. I’m ready for my new adventure and my happy, healthy family again.
Life should be primarily sunshine and sparkles and I say bring it! I’m ready to feel whole again.
Christy, this is why I love you. You are so authentic and beautiful. I will be praying for your family, and I hope the atmosphere on the island helps to bring your family peace when you get there. xoxoxo
Thank you Brandi! And by thank you, I mean for always supporting me, through good and bad, and for being such a positive force in my life. I don’t hug, but I’m always compelled to hug you. I’ll do that often in May, so this is your fair warning!
I’m here if you ever need anything. Online or by phone. Doesn’t matter. Just reach out to me if you want to talk or vent or just sit on the phone. Congrats on the new job. Can’t wait to hear what you are up to!
I have been where you are with my family and found it cleansing to write it in my family story. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, and honestly I waited 4 yrs to write it and Howard struggled reading it, but just know that I understand. Even though we’ve never met, I just love you to pieces and hope you let me hug you at least once in May!!
It’s good to get out the blech! Life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns and that’s life. I say that only because we all know that life happens. I hope you and your family get that sparkle back! =) So excited for you guys to get back to the island!!
I am so happy you guys are moving back to the island! I think this event is going to make your family stronger than ever! I’m not so sure I will be able to stand the gagtastic pink sparkles that you are about to sport.
Wait for your *GAG* reflexes to kick into overtime.
Looks like your new life is going fabulously! I’m so happy for you Mimi.
Christy, you have such a vibrant and beautiful personality, and despite the tough times that you may have experienced, I know it will be better with the change you make. You are one of the most sincere people I know:) I hope that Island brings you plenty of happiness.
Thank you Melissa. Those kind words truly mean more than you’ll ever know. We found a place today and we’re island bound this weekend. Things are looking up!
You are absolutely an amazing person!! It is hard to recognize different qualities in yourself and to be strong enough to make changes in your life! I have always looked up to you as a strong, positive, and intelligent person! You are a fabulous mom and such an asset to cbias. It sounds like this change is going to be great! Good thoughts your way!!! And your new place is awesome!!! I so want that kitchen!!!