Monday, February 25, 2013

Wash Your Eye with Baby Shampoo? Pain or Vanity? It's Relative.

Tonight, I washed my eye with baby shampoo. It's not tear-free for the record. I cried. And why would one do such a thing? Well, I've been in some pain, stingy pain in fact. I have a stye. If you've ever had one, you know the stabby pain they bring. This is my first and I've been a complete baby about it. 

I've Googled it 1,000 times and I see all of the home remedies (heaven forbid I have to go to the doctor and pay the stupid $400 deductible). Tea bags, warms compresses, light massage...I've tried it all. No help. Temporary relief yes, but this stinging, swelling, and eye droopiness is not subsiding.

No, this won't do at all. So I'd seen the recommendations to wash my eye out with baby shampoo, but seriously, who does that? I would never do that. Or would I? 

Well my friend Amy recommended this very "treatment" and since it came from a trusted source, I bought some baby shampoo and decided to give it a whirl. Or a lather. Or something. I didn't enter this lightly. I was concerned. She told me to just go at it. It would be fine.

It wasn't. That golden lather stings like crap in your eye. I won't lie. Sting batta...batta...sting! For reals. That sucked so hard. And I'm makeupless and have been since 8:00 pm. None of this is acceptable. And the stye is still there. And I'm supposed to do this again in the morning. Open eye, insert soap. Nothing about that seems right. 

But let's get back to the real reason for my eye car wash, shall we? Why in fact did I decide to put my eye through the dishwasher? Was it because I was in pain? I'm not lying...these things hurt. I've given birth to 4 children....9.4 lbs, 8.8 lbs, 8.2 lbs, 7.7 c-section. I've busted my arm in 4 places, blown my funny bone, and torn all of the nerves and ligaments in my left arm. I'm not a wimp. This stye thing is something serious.

Truth is, it wasn't about the pain at all. I can handle that. You see, I have an appointment on Wednesday that I HAVE to keep. I'm scheduled to get permanent in eyeliner...and this freakin stye is interfering with my plans. That's not cool. 

So in the morning, I'll gladly squirt more baby shampoo in my eye in hopes that I can keep my appointment on Wednesday. It's all about the vanity. It was never really about the pain. Unless by pain you mean, looking at my face without makeup. Now that's pain. Wish me luck. I really want to get my eyes poked repeatedly with needles on Wednesday! 

That's not vain, is it?


  1. I'm peeing. What's worse: Tattoos on your eyeballs or a stye?

    1. Why does my life always come full circle to pee? ;)


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