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Divorce, Denial, Mental Breakdowns

By Christy Leave a Comment

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it’s the same thing. They were in your life every day, they’re gone…every day. There’s a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I’m not there yet!

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope!

From Soulmates to Strangers…

We used to be the life of the party, we used to be the ones who they wished they were. It’s like there’s always an empty space, those memories that nobody can erase. Of how bright we burned, well now it hurts, but it’s true. When they think of me, they think of you.

~ Lady A

Country music is a resounding theme in my life right now. Hell, it always has been so why would things change just because my life is seemingly falling apart around me. Or is it? I just don’t know yet because I haven’t dealt with this whole “divorce” thing yet and I’m not sure I’m ready to. I have small children (OK, they aren’t babies, but have you ever dealt with a family breaking up with a 10 and 12 year old? If not, don’t judge. It’s hard, y’all). I have a feeling this is going to be incredibly hard/emotional for me to write, but I’ve fielded so many questions, mostly out of love and concern, I guess it’s time I write our current chapter. It’s entitled, we didn’t make it and it’s time to cope.

1. Family today, gone tomorrow.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

Maybe I was never meant to be married or have kids. I mean, I thought I was. According to this picture, looks like I took the leap when I was 12 (for the record, I was 27 here). I honestly thought I was pretty good at the whole thing. Married, cooking dinner every night, working, taking care of my babies, raising a family in as much peace and harmony as I could manage. But it failed and there I was, alone with two little girls – and I mean little, they were 5 and 1 – all alone. Alone and together. So, maybe I wasn’t meant to be a wife, but I sure as hell was meant to be a mommy and I was damned good at it.

It’s what I hoped and thought anyway. Problem was solved. Never marry again. No more kids. It went like that for some years. Just me and my girls until I met a man and his kids, we all became one, had two more, created a family of eight, and it all fell apart again…16 years later.

So, if I got through it then and started over just fine, why can’t I face it all now? You might be asking yourself that question because I sure as hell know it’s the one I go to bed with on my mind every night.

2. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

Moving is hard work, especially with a 10 and 12 year old. I haven’t had time to let this all sink in. You have to get all of your stuff, all of theirs. You need to make sure they have what they need to truly feel as much at home as they can when they’re all but forced out of their own home.

Let’s be clear, people (and here’s a pain point), I was told to stay, keep the kids there, but I needed to be OK if he had a “fuck buddy” in town so he got more “ass” during the week and if I wasn’t OK with that, we weren’t OK. So, we weren’t OK.

So much going on with moving and getting the kids registered for school and acclimated. Maybe I’m just in denial. I don’t know, but those pre-cheer tryouts take a lot of time and this massive budget we’re on…rough and time consuming. So I choose to focus there.

3. Financial Ruins.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

Basically…. Send. Money. Now. Please.

We’re pretty much in financial ruins. At least Kylee can still pick flowers for me, because, you know, I still deserve them!

Once upon a time, a once stable household with a healthy savings accounts decided it was OK (well, one of us did, the other conceded because that’s what “we” always did) to pay to bring a million people to our then comfortable (and happy) household for Christmas (more on that later!). We foot the bill, he took the short hours, it hurt us financially, but we would recover. We always did! Of course we did. Until we didn’t.

At the end of this (not so lovely – OK, who am I kidding, it was painful AF!) visit, my “husband” had been convinced that I was a “drain” on him. I frivolously wasted all of HIS HARD-EARNED MONEY (what was that I was making AND saving again?). He was better off without me. This guy was making bank (I wish he shared that bank with me!). He could have anyone and anything he wanted. Then, with the blink of an eye, a wave of an evil wand, he had nothing but an empty house, a paid-off truck, and a bunch of utility bills.

We never recouped those losses, we’re still sharing an account so I can get us out of the hole they created. Our incomes combined. A household full of bills built on love, now two households full of bills built on broken promises, on the same income. Good luck, Charlie!

4. The mid-life crisis mantra.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

He said he needs a break.

He needed to start “living my life for me instead of everyone else for a change”. Apparently, he was “working a job I hate just to provide for my family”. He was “living in a house he agreed to help buy only because the family wanted it.” He was basically adulting and apparently, when you hit the mid-life slump, that’s too much pressure. So time for a break (y’all, I can’t make this shit up…wanna see the text messages?).

But let’s be clear…as much as there is no crying in baseball, there is no break taking in marriage. That is a bond, a life-long commitment, and you just can’t take a break and think you’re going to pick up in a year where you left off.

This isn’t high school (middle school?), things don’t work this way. It’s all, or nothing. He chose break, so the kids and I took off to find our something, whatever that might be. And be assured, again, just like baseball, there’s been no crying (openly anyway).

5. No mental breakdown today!

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it’s the same thing. They were in your life every day, they’re gone…every day. There’s a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I’m not there yet!

Everyone, being as kind hearted as all of my true friends are (and believe me, you always find out who your friends are during rough times!) is telling me it’s OK to breakdown. Let it out. Have a good cry. Have a pity party even. Just lose a little of my shit for a little while, then pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. But it’s not time for that yet.

I have a 10 and a 12 year old trying to acclimate to new schools, trying to make new friends, trying out for cheer (Bug), and trying to truly fit in this time (Bubby). They have mini meltdowns at least every other day, and they are entitled to those. I need to let them, no, encourage them, to get those feelings out. They left the only school district they’ve ever known, the only town they’ve ever known, and they left upper middle class suburbia for an apartment complex where their mother literally sleeps in a closet and a school full of people they don’t even know. That’s rough, y’all. Their meltdowns first. We have months. I’ll catch up later.

6. Cheers or tears…how are you?

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

I wish I could give a definitive answer here, but I can’t. Some days, I’m good…like super good and super charged and ready to take on whatever else life has left to throw at me. Others, I’m a little blue. There are days that I worry more than I really do anything else. Some days, just some (mostly at night), a cloud of loneliness falls over me that I never expected. We’d been drifting apart – understandably so since he had turned into an unreasonable oaf who had become angry, bitter, unjust, violent, and impossible to get along with, so I in turn became a bitch box. We were spending time apart – but we always came back to the same house, our house, at the end of the evening and we were always together then.

I can tell you that I don’t jump every time a door slams. I don’t hurt or shake uncontrollably when I hear a loud noise. Wondering “who got hurt” when I hear a thump is now a thing of the past. Things have settled, and for that, I’m grateful.

7. Xmas will suck.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

The weirdest part of all of this is that I’m no longer a Christmas person. I no longer believe. I mean, I suppose in the moment, the spirit of the season, I’ll feel some of the magic, but the love I’ve had for this holiday since as long as I can remember is gone.

This past Christmas was miserable. I spent it with a bunch of people who don’t even like each other who were talking about each other – and mostly about me and my kids. It was when my marriage ended. I don’t want to go into any more detail on this because the people who pushed this are dead to me as is the true magic of Christmas. And I’m sad.

Everything’s gonna be alright!

So to everyone who’s been asking (thank you!), we’re basically fine. He’s living his own world (and boy howdy is it a doozy) and we’re living ours. There are ups and downs, mistakes, milestones, triumphs, and choices. But we’re holding our own and that’s all anyone could ask. That’s all I’ve ever asked. Do I wish things could have turned out differently?

You bet your ass!

Do I think everything happens for a reason?

Of course I do.

If you’re a praying person, send some our way. If you just believe in good mojo, we’ll take it. Got heaps of sparkles to spare? Send ’em our way. We’ve got this, but we can use all the help we can get! Muah…much love to all of you for your support.

Filed Under: Anniversaries, Disappointments, Family, Life, marriage, Moms, Parenting Tagged With: divorce, failed marriage, failures, family, mental breakdown, mental illness, single moms

Today, The Brightest Soul I Know Turns 9

By Christy Leave a Comment

What do you do when your youngest child suddenly turns nine? You celebrate, you buy XBox games, and you cry a little inside. Today, the brightest soul I know turns nine!

What do you do when your youngest child, the youngest of six, suddenly turns nine? You celebrate, you buy XBox games, and you cry a little inside. Today, the brightest soul I know turns 9!

My Bubby, my baby, the last of a lineage, turns nine today and as proud as I am of this brilliant and funny boy of mine, I can’t help being a little melancholy. Watching him grow and become the wonderful person he is has been a life-altering experience for me. He, quite literally, amazes me every single day with his wealth of knowledge, his beautiful sense of humor, and his obvious lack of common sense.

He can pass a STAAR test with ease at grade levels well above his own, he can spout random facts (that his teachers and I often have to Google to verify) about ancient Egyptians or sea creatures, yet when you point to something “over there” that you need, he can’t figure out where that is. And don’t even get me started on his “punny” sense of humor. He’s such a little old man wrapped in such a beautiful package and I love him to pieces.

the brightest soul i know turns 9 today

But he’s growing up on me…way too fast…and I’d love for time to stop for just a bit so I can just enjoy his little self just a little bit longer. Yes, he’ll always be my baby and I believe that “huggy time” will always be a thing, but his independence is starting to shine, which I encourage, and that’s a little hard on this doting momma.

Enough of my whining though. Time to celebrate the brightest soul I know. He’d give you the shirt off his back, he’d gladly give you his last dollar (but probably not his last XBox game), and he’s always there to lift anyone up when they’re down. He’s as perfect as I’d hoped he’d be nine years and eight months ago when I found out about him, and he’ll do amazing things in this world. Watch him, you’ll see!

So, today, Zachary Alexander Gossett turns nine years old. He’s growing into a fine, caring, productive human being and I couldn’t be more proud of my little man. Thank you, Bub, for making my life complete and allowing me to be your mom. I love you more than the world is big, more than the sky is blue. Enjoy your last year in the single digits and always remember, enjoy being a kid for as long as you can. It all goes by in a flash! You’re doing a really phenomenal job at this life thing and I’m oh-so proud to be your mommy!

Filed Under: Anniversaries, Bubby, Family, Family Traditions, Life, Moms, My Favorite Things, My Happy Life, My Kids Are Cooler Than Yours, Parenting, Things I Love Tagged With: baby boy, Bubby, child birthday, child growing up

When Your Baby Girl Turns 11…Let Her Shine!

By Christy Leave a Comment

This little girl of mine, I’m gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it’s a big deal. I’m just trying to figure out where the time went. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

There’s no real reason for writing this post, I guess. Maybe it’s just for me. Maybe it’s for my Bug some day. I don’t know, but I’m drawn to write it. Bump SEO, bump pageviews, forget about who even reads it at all. This is about my youngest baby girl and I. You see, it’s a bumpy road with her and I. It always has been. I wanted her more than life itself when I conceived her, yet as the years go by, I’ve wondered what in the HECK I was thinking when I made the conscious decision to have another child when I did. All in all, I wouldn’t change a thing, in fact. Today, this baby girl turns 11 years old and I’m just happy (more times than not) to just let her shine and call her mine.

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

See, my baby girl hit the streets running, figuratively (OK it would have been literally if she could have run then, but let’s go with figuratively here) on September 14, 2006. She was the youngest of five children and the apple of all of our eyes (except baby girl number three, she was not entirely sold). She was THE princess from day one and I worshipped her. Literally. She was perfect in every way. Still is in her own right!

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

Once this “baby” found her way into the world…watch out. She owned it; and us. Sassy, frustrating, the very bane of my existence at times, the biggest talker you’ve ever met, and just so much of a handful at times, I wonder how I make it from day to day. But I see her beauty (even on her bad days) on the outside, but more importantly from within. She might be a hot mess at times, but she’ll do big things some day…mark my words!

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

Kylee can be difficult, dramatic, and sassy at times. So difficult. So dramatic. SO SASSY. Sometimes (oh who am I kidding, a lot of the time) she makes me want to pull my hair out. Heck, I think she pulls my hair out when I sleep!

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

She’s silly and adventurous!

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

And she’s (almost) always fun. Almost. But above all else…she’s 11 today and that’s all that matters to her. Did you know that officially, without question, she can go up to all of the chain restaurant buffets by herself…without me…to get her own food now? The signs all say so and she was quick to remind me this morning. I see a lot of buffets in our future (and a lot of Airborne in mine so I can handle the buffets since I still have to walk Bubby up there!).

All in all…Bug might drive me insane. I might spend a whole lot of time in the school office for her. She may be my biggest challenge in life…for real. The very bane of my existence? Perhaps. But that smile. The sheer joy and love she feels and exudes when she’s feeling her best? It’s amazingly infectious and I love it!

This little girl of mine, I'm gonna let her shine. Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine. Bug turns 11 today and it's a big deal. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. What do you do when your baby girl turns 11?

You see, when Bug smiles…when she really, really smiles and means it…to say she lights up a room is a gross understatement. It’s a complete and total illumination. An amazing aura like nothing you’ve experienced. It’s nothing short of magical! My unicorn (the one with the black horn most days) turns 11 today. I love her. I’m proud of her. She drives me crazy, but I just can’t wait to watch her change the world!

If you see this nugget today, wish her a happy 11th birthday. She’s pretty impressive with her drive-her-mom-crazy, talks-too-much, lives-on-the-edge, she’ll-do-amazing-things self. She deserves a happy birthday! Although she drives me nuts, I’ve resigned to let her shine…this little Bug of mine.

Happy birthday, baby girl! I love you more than the sky is blue. This life? It’s tough, but you’ve got this. You’ll rule it in fact! All my love forever and always (yes, even when we fight), Mommy!

Filed Under: Anniversaries, Beauty, Bugisms, Family, Life, My Favorite Things, My Happy Life, my sparkles Tagged With: birthday wish to daughter, Bug, mature moms, parenting

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Hey y'all! I'm Christy and I'm glad you could stop by. Have a seat, grab a drink or a straight jacket, and join me as I share heart-healthy recipes, stories and life lessons about my insanely large family, and whatever else pops into my hot mess of a mind! Read More…

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