Insanity Is Not An Option

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Divorce, Denial, Mental Breakdowns

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There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it’s the same thing. They were in your life every day, they’re gone…every day. There’s a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I’m not there yet!

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope!

From Soulmates to Strangers…

We used to be the life of the party, we used to be the ones who they wished they were. It’s like there’s always an empty space, those memories that nobody can erase. Of how bright we burned, well now it hurts, but it’s true. When they think of me, they think of you.

~ Lady A

Country music is a resounding theme in my life right now. Hell, it always has been so why would things change just because my life is seemingly falling apart around me. Or is it? I just don’t know yet because I haven’t dealt with this whole “divorce” thing yet and I’m not sure I’m ready to. I have small children (OK, they aren’t babies, but have you ever dealt with a family breaking up with a 10 and 12 year old? If not, don’t judge. It’s hard, y’all). I have a feeling this is going to be incredibly hard/emotional for me to write, but I’ve fielded so many questions, mostly out of love and concern, I guess it’s time I write our current chapter. It’s entitled, we didn’t make it and it’s time to cope.

1. Family today, gone tomorrow.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

Maybe I was never meant to be married or have kids. I mean, I thought I was. According to this picture, looks like I took the leap when I was 12 (for the record, I was 27 here). I honestly thought I was pretty good at the whole thing. Married, cooking dinner every night, working, taking care of my babies, raising a family in as much peace and harmony as I could manage. But it failed and there I was, alone with two little girls – and I mean little, they were 5 and 1 – all alone. Alone and together. So, maybe I wasn’t meant to be a wife, but I sure as hell was meant to be a mommy and I was damned good at it.

It’s what I hoped and thought anyway. Problem was solved. Never marry again. No more kids. It went like that for some years. Just me and my girls until I met a man and his kids, we all became one, had two more, created a family of eight, and it all fell apart again…16 years later.

So, if I got through it then and started over just fine, why can’t I face it all now? You might be asking yourself that question because I sure as hell know it’s the one I go to bed with on my mind every night.

2. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

Moving is hard work, especially with a 10 and 12 year old. I haven’t had time to let this all sink in. You have to get all of your stuff, all of theirs. You need to make sure they have what they need to truly feel as much at home as they can when they’re all but forced out of their own home.

Let’s be clear, people (and here’s a pain point), I was told to stay, keep the kids there, but I needed to be OK if he had a “fuck buddy” in town so he got more “ass” during the week and if I wasn’t OK with that, we weren’t OK. So, we weren’t OK.

So much going on with moving and getting the kids registered for school and acclimated. Maybe I’m just in denial. I don’t know, but those pre-cheer tryouts take a lot of time and this massive budget we’re on…rough and time consuming. So I choose to focus there.

3. Financial Ruins.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

Basically…. Send. Money. Now. Please.

We’re pretty much in financial ruins. At least Kylee can still pick flowers for me, because, you know, I still deserve them!

Once upon a time, a once stable household with a healthy savings accounts decided it was OK (well, one of us did, the other conceded because that’s what “we” always did) to pay to bring a million people to our then comfortable (and happy) household for Christmas (more on that later!). We foot the bill, he took the short hours, it hurt us financially, but we would recover. We always did! Of course we did. Until we didn’t.

At the end of this (not so lovely – OK, who am I kidding, it was painful AF!) visit, my “husband” had been convinced that I was a “drain” on him. I frivolously wasted all of HIS HARD-EARNED MONEY (what was that I was making AND saving again?). He was better off without me. This guy was making bank (I wish he shared that bank with me!). He could have anyone and anything he wanted. Then, with the blink of an eye, a wave of an evil wand, he had nothing but an empty house, a paid-off truck, and a bunch of utility bills.

We never recouped those losses, we’re still sharing an account so I can get us out of the hole they created. Our incomes combined. A household full of bills built on love, now two households full of bills built on broken promises, on the same income. Good luck, Charlie!

4. The mid-life crisis mantra.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

He said he needs a break.

He needed to start “living my life for me instead of everyone else for a change”. Apparently, he was “working a job I hate just to provide for my family”. He was “living in a house he agreed to help buy only because the family wanted it.” He was basically adulting and apparently, when you hit the mid-life slump, that’s too much pressure. So time for a break (y’all, I can’t make this shit up…wanna see the text messages?).

But let’s be clear…as much as there is no crying in baseball, there is no break taking in marriage. That is a bond, a life-long commitment, and you just can’t take a break and think you’re going to pick up in a year where you left off.

This isn’t high school (middle school?), things don’t work this way. It’s all, or nothing. He chose break, so the kids and I took off to find our something, whatever that might be. And be assured, again, just like baseball, there’s been no crying (openly anyway).

5. No mental breakdown today!

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it’s the same thing. They were in your life every day, they’re gone…every day. There’s a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I’m not there yet!

Everyone, being as kind hearted as all of my true friends are (and believe me, you always find out who your friends are during rough times!) is telling me it’s OK to breakdown. Let it out. Have a good cry. Have a pity party even. Just lose a little of my shit for a little while, then pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. But it’s not time for that yet.

I have a 10 and a 12 year old trying to acclimate to new schools, trying to make new friends, trying out for cheer (Bug), and trying to truly fit in this time (Bubby). They have mini meltdowns at least every other day, and they are entitled to those. I need to let them, no, encourage them, to get those feelings out. They left the only school district they’ve ever known, the only town they’ve ever known, and they left upper middle class suburbia for an apartment complex where their mother literally sleeps in a closet and a school full of people they don’t even know. That’s rough, y’all. Their meltdowns first. We have months. I’ll catch up later.

6. Cheers or tears…how are you?

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

I wish I could give a definitive answer here, but I can’t. Some days, I’m good…like super good and super charged and ready to take on whatever else life has left to throw at me. Others, I’m a little blue. There are days that I worry more than I really do anything else. Some days, just some (mostly at night), a cloud of loneliness falls over me that I never expected. We’d been drifting apart – understandably so since he had turned into an unreasonable oaf who had become angry, bitter, unjust, violent, and impossible to get along with, so I in turn became a bitch box. We were spending time apart – but we always came back to the same house, our house, at the end of the evening and we were always together then.

I can tell you that I don’t jump every time a door slams. I don’t hurt or shake uncontrollably when I hear a loud noise. Wondering “who got hurt” when I hear a thump is now a thing of the past. Things have settled, and for that, I’m grateful.

7. Xmas will suck.

There are many stages one goes through when venturing into a divorce. From relief, to denial, to a nervous breakdown, the emotions run as deep as they would over the death of a loved one. Basically, it's the same thing. They were in your life every day, they're gone...every day. There's a way to eventually make your way back to healing and hope, I know, but I'm not there yet!

The weirdest part of all of this is that I’m no longer a Christmas person. I no longer believe. I mean, I suppose in the moment, the spirit of the season, I’ll feel some of the magic, but the love I’ve had for this holiday since as long as I can remember is gone.

This past Christmas was miserable. I spent it with a bunch of people who don’t even like each other who were talking about each other – and mostly about me and my kids. It was when my marriage ended. I don’t want to go into any more detail on this because the people who pushed this are dead to me as is the true magic of Christmas. And I’m sad.

Everything’s gonna be alright!

So to everyone who’s been asking (thank you!), we’re basically fine. He’s living his own world (and boy howdy is it a doozy) and we’re living ours. There are ups and downs, mistakes, milestones, triumphs, and choices. But we’re holding our own and that’s all anyone could ask. That’s all I’ve ever asked. Do I wish things could have turned out differently?

You bet your ass!

Do I think everything happens for a reason?

Of course I do.

If you’re a praying person, send some our way. If you just believe in good mojo, we’ll take it. Got heaps of sparkles to spare? Send ’em our way. We’ve got this, but we can use all the help we can get! Muah…much love to all of you for your support.

Raising a Tween Girl is Hard, Y’all!

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So your daughter’s a tween and you’re ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it’s totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

So your daughter's a tween and you're ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it's totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

When did she become a tween?!?

If you’re like me, you’re not sure how it happened. One day your sweet, adorable, innocent baby girl woke up with a mouth full of sass and your whole world changed. And it sure as hell wasn’t for the better! As the mother of six (four of them girls), I’ve been through this before – although not to the level my Bug has taken this phase. I’m here to share a few tips for saving your ever-loving sanity until it all passes. Yes, it passes. Pinky swear!

So your daughter's a tween and you're ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it's totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

Encourage her to enjoy her youth!

Remember that time your tween turned 12? Yes, the epitome of tweendom. Stuck smack dab in between being a little girl and a full-fledge teen? Yea, that birthday! Kylee turned 12 in September. She felt she was too old for a party. Didn’t think the cake and candle lighting really suited her maturity level. Surprise gifts are for babies; gift cards are better suited for tweens, of course. All of those things – every single one of them – are for babies. You know what? I didn’t listen (I rarely do when it’s for the better good).

I sent her on her way with her older sister, and her dad and I decorated her entire room in Paris-themed decor (note: I respected her desire to travel one day, but still did the whole surprise thing). She was thrilled when she got home!

I invited her BFF to come over for dinner, cake, and spend the night. It was a welcome surprise!

I ordered the unicorn cake, paid way too much for it, and the smile on her face was worth every penny. She still loves unicorns – so do I – and I just want to encourage her to enjoy the magical things in life as long as she can before this whole ridiculous world tries to cut her down as I know it will.

So your daughter's a tween and you're ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it's totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

Not what you say, how you say it!

I need for you to let this one sink in. Say it with me…it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it! This goes for both of you…every day…all the time. Raising a tween girl is hard, y’all. So, so hard.

When that sassy mouth opens, you just never know what’s going to come out. Whether it’s something a teacher said at school today, an outfit gone wrong, a ponytail that just won’t go up exactly right (this one causes MELT DOWNS in my house), it’s not what she’s saying that is always the issue, it’s typically HOW she’s saying it. Your tween (like mine) can tell you about a great accomplishment and make you walk away feeling like you just got run over by a bus. Because…attitude.

Be her biggest fan!

Remind her that you are there to share in her joys, accomplishments, fears, successes, and failures – that you’re her biggest fan. Then remind her that if she’d tell you all of those things in her non-bitch voice (probably not the best words to use!), you’d be more attentive because we all really want to be attentive and involved in our kids’ lives no matter what!

But the same goes for you (yes, mom and dad, I’m eyeballing you!). Just because your tween daughter has a sassy mouth does NOT mean you can retaliate with more sass than she could ever muster (because, let’s face it, we’ve got all the experience). First, let me point out that it’s totally acceptable to roll your eyes – I, myself, am a master. It’s totally not OK to sass back. I’m as guilty as the rest, but truly have never seen a positive outcome from our sass-fests and so, I try to avoid them. Instead, I walk away until she gets the hint. I take her phone. No, you can’t go to your friends house. I do all the things an adult should do until she relents. We both win and it typically results in laughter and silliness – both of which are my favorite things to enjoy with my tween!

So your daughter's a tween and you're ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it's totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

Promote positivity!

Whether your daughter is into sports, cheer, singing, dancing, theater, leadership…it doesn’t matter. If it’s a positive force in her life, encourage it! Make yourself available. I know you’re busy – we all are these days – but you can be there to get her to practice on time, to cheer her on, to just show you care. That goes a long way; I know from experience.

In high school, I cheered. I loved to cheer. We had buses back then to drive us home from practice so my parents didn’t need to be involved there (lucky bastards!). I will tell you though, although I had very loving and supportive parents, I can count on one hand the number of times they came to watch me cheer. I never told them it hurt to look up and not see them, but it did. When I walk into the stadium where Bug is cheering, I make sure I walk right by her and wave before taking a seat. She always smiles the biggest smile. That gesture can move mountains during a very uncertain time in their lives. Just be present! It matters!

So your daughter's a tween and you're ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it's totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

Embrace her individuality!

You do you, Boo! That’s kind of overused by now, but it totally applies when you’re raising a tween girl. Encourage her to be unique. It’s important for girls at this age to “fit in”, but they sure as hell don’t have to be Stepford kids and it’s our job to help them understand that. My Kylee is unique, very much so, and she’s learned to accept the person that she is and actually love herself. She has her moments of doubt, but it’s in those moments that I make sure I’m there, encouraging my unicorn, and guiding her into her next magical phase in life.

So your daughter's a tween and you're ready to pull your hair out. She makes you laugh, she makes you cry. Unfortunately, it's totally normal! Mom of 6 here to share some lessons (warnings?) you need to know about raising a tween girl!

Best parenting award goes to…

Am I saying I’m the world’s best parent and I have this tween parenting thing down? Hell, no! I fail at the above from time and time, and I get so frustrated with my daughter that I wonder why I ever decided to have so many damned kids. But then I look at her and I realize that although she’s going through this difficult phase and she’s stuck between a woman and a child – so to speak – she’s doing OK. She’s got A’s and B’s in school (go Bug!), she’s a cheerleader and she’s good at it, she’s first chair bassoon in the school band, and her teachers really seem to like her. That’s how I measure success. So am I the world’s best parent? Not even close. Am I doing well raising a tween girl? You bet your ass I am!

Good luck to you and yours. Believe me, the years will pass, you’ll both forget how incredibly trying this brief period was, and believe it or not, you’ll become best friends again some day. It all happens in the blink of an eye. Enjoy every second and for heaven’s sake…DON’T BLINK!

New Beginnings + Package from Santa

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Thank you to US Family Guide and Package from Santa for facilitating this post. All opinions are my own.

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

Do they know it’s Christmas time?

The holidays can be difficult for many. In some ways, I think it’s hard on all of us (even those of us who love Christmas). We hold ourselves to some sort of standard where we feel we have to buy the best gifts, hang up the most lights in the neighborhood, have the most festive wardrobe. Whatever those standards are, I believe we all (myself so totally included!) set the bar a little too high. Sure, we have good reason. Everyone should feel the magic of Christmas. Every little (and big) face should light up Christmas morning. Everything should be PERFECT! 

But for some, like my oldest daughter, there are more worries and stressors than there are for others and all I want this year for Christmas is for my daughter and my grandson to truly feel the magic of Christmas. This year, as in years past, Package from Santa is helping me do just that affordably (especially with a 25% discount for entering FAM2060 at checkout).

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

New beginnings are magical!

Let me back up a bit to explain the importance of this year’s Package from Santa to you. A little over a year ago, my oldest daughter became a mom. The birth of baby Wyatt, her first and only child, was magical. I know because I was in the room. But life on the inside isn’t always as magical behind closed doors. My baby, who had moved to Texas from Georgia with her then boyfriend (I never liked him!), were going to get jobs and settle in before the baby was born. Life had other plans for Bryana and Wyatt and they embarked on this journey alone, much for the better! But when the baby was born, she had no job, no real home (of course she’s ALWAYS welcome in my home!), and really no direction other than to try to make it and be happy.

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

New beginnings mean new traditions!

Fast forward to present day. Bry and Wyatt have their own cute apartment, she works a full time (and more often than not, overtime) job, and she goes to school on the weekends. They’re making ends meet, they have a roof over their heads, they eat well, they have us when they need support, and they’re happy. But funds for extras, like holidays, are limited so we, as a collective family, do all that we can to make sure that Wyatt feels all of the magic of Christmas that a good (OK, he’s mischievous and into everything, but…) boy should. We do whatever we can for every other holiday, but Christmas – my very favorite holiday – should be the most magical of all and there’s nothing like a personalized Package from Santa to spark that magic!

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

What do you get when you order?

Joy! You get so much joy, wonder, laughter, and magic! For just $24.95 (if you act NOW – by 12/14/18 – you can get an additional 25% off with code FAM2060), you can order the Silver Package and get:

  • Letter from Santa Claus, personalized just for your child
  • Personalized Nice List Certificate – 8 1/2 X 11 photo of Santa Claus
  • Santa Flight Plan with your child’s picture and personalized based on their region
  • Special North Pole Shipping Label addressed to your child
  • Genuine North Pole Stamp
  • A bonus personalized Video Greeting from Santa!
  • Added bonus! Personalized Call from Santa
  • But wait…there’s more! Personalized Printable Nice List Guide

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

Smiles are priceless, magic is golden!

Not only is the online ordering process easy, it lets you customize your letter, your nice list certificate, your flight plan, and your video with pictures you send of your own little one.

If you need to spark the magic of Christmas for a child this year, Package From Santa is the personalized gift you need! The holidays can be rough on the psyche, especially for those struggling, gift the magic of Christmas to help them believe again!

So what are you waiting for?

Do you have someone on your nice list this year that could use a little magic in their lives? Head over to Package for Santa, customize your order, enter code FAM2060 at check out for 25% off, and your video will be delivered to your email probably on the same day. Then you’ll get your package – straight from the big guy at the North Pole himself – quicker than you can say cotton headed ninny muggins 10 times fast (OK, I exaggerate, but it’s super quick!).

Give the gift of magic, my friends, at Christmas and all throughout the year. You never know what someone else might be going through just by looking at them and just a little bit of magic can go a very long way! Merry Christmas, y’all! I hope it’s your best one ever!