Well, it’s no island for certain. No indeed! Now we live in the woods somewhere just off the beaten path of bright lights, big city! But we’re together again, and it will always be FUN! It’s all about the giggles no matter where you are! Remember to enjoy WHO you are with, not where you ARE! We’ve got this!
To say that B and I are very different is an understatement. He lacks the ability to make true emotional ties and we have this discussion often.
He doesn’t understand my way of thinking. It’s not that he can’t “love” because he can. But he just doesn’t “feel” like I do. He doesn’t “get” the bonding thing like I do.
The stories could go on for days (ever) but this story will not!
This is all about our move and only serves to prove my point. We will be moving tomorrow. By moving I mean, the babies and I will be packing up in the car with whatever we can stuff in there and heading for The Woodlands. We can’t afford the truck right now and since rent is paid through March, that will wait.
The plan is simple. We will take ourselves, some clothes, a few toys, my computer, Pip, and not much else. But then I got to thinking…what about the food in the frig? More importantly, what about the fish?
So I sent B a text. “Do we have a cooler here and what do I do about the fish?” The fish are HIS pets. The response is simple and true to form “No cooler and the fish wll die!”. He didn’t add the !, I did. WTH? I replied “ok so the food will go to waste, but those are your pets, that’s just sad”. He texts “I like the little guys but there’s nothing we can do about it”. Seriously? WOW….see what I mean? No real emotional ties. These are HIS pets. And they shall die!
For the record, they will NOT die! I’ll find a way to take them with us or find them a home. Time is running out but there will be no pets dieing on my watch. Not now, not ever! If nothing else, I have a bucket and a bubble box. These fish (his pets) will not die today!
I just don’t get it! He’s not heartless. He’s not a cruel SOB. But this lack of ability to emotionally engage? This baffles me! They say opposites attract. I believe THEM. And thank goodness for the fish THEY are right!
Yes, I know you know, but I must reiterate! I LOVE this island of mine! I adore it in fact! I can think of no other place in the world that I would rather live. This is why I talk of it so often. I love it THAT much!
And with that said, I wouldn’t leave this island for anything in the world. Or would I?
My life has been in turmoil for the past month or so! I’ve shared some of that with you in previous posts. I’ve shared tales of messes, and disrespect, and utter chaos. But these things are all temporary (or so I would hope. For the record, they are still going on and it’s about to make me blow).
But I haven’t shared the “big” picture with you yet. Not the big events that have been unfolding that might just change my life forever (or at least the next few years). I haven’t been sharing the things that really matter the most. There are things I have been harboring, that I’ve been keeping to myself, that I have been crying over on a nightly basis! These hidden things will probably make me leave MY island!
These things I am referring to are affecting my family! You see, when B took this job in Houston, we knew it was contract work and that it would not be forever. His “job” would last, but the actual location would not. One job finished up, and he moved to the next…over and over again. All of them remained close enough to my island that he could commute. It was not a short commute, but HE was willing to make it for US so we could stay HERE!
Then it happened. A couple of weeks ago (it seems like an eternity), the “big” job opened up. They wanted him on this “big” job. This “big” job will last from 3 to 7 years. This “big” job is 2 1/2 hours away from my island. What to do? What to do? He drove it for 2 days but that wasn’t cost or time-effective since he also goes to school 2 nights a week.
So this week, we made the decision (while I cried and he was on the verge) that he would start staying at an extended stay motel with a buddy during the week and only come home on the weekends (provided he gets to come home on the weekends since 7-day shifts are in the near future). So the babies and I will live alone on this island (well not really since “the other” is still here, but that’s a story for another day) while he works on the other side of Houston and stays far, far away from us for far, far too many hours, days, weeks, months, years.
So why am I sharing these woes with you? What is my point you ask? We’re miserable apart! That’s the point! I love MY island (and so does he) but I love HIM more! And so do my kids! What is paradise if there’s a hole in your life and your heart? It’s NOTHING!
So we’ve started looking for temporary housing on the other side of Houston. That’s right, FAR away from MY island home! BUT we will be together there. We can’t be together here right now. It’s sad here right now. It hardly feels like paradise at all right now and more like hell on the beach.
We will more than likely be moving from my island within the next month or so. No concrete plans as of yet, but full determination. He is our world. My island is just a piece of real estate (a beautiful piece of real estate). My family, my husband, and my heart are worth way more than a piece of real estate!
So wish me luck! Send sparkles! And know that I will be back on MY island some day very soon. We’ll live THERE until the contract is complete and then we’ll move back HERE where our hearts belong!
But for now, this is the right thing to do. Because I love HIM way more than I love this island! And that’s a whole lot of love!