Realization: I AM My Mother

At the ripe old age of 43, I have finally realized that I am my mother. I look just like her minus a few years, although lately as I walk by the mirror, I do get the urge to say “Hey Mom, when did you get here?”. I work hard, I am a devoted wife (that didn’t work out too great for her but I’m hoping for a better outcome) and mother, and although I used to think I was a little more laid back than she ever was, as I was cleaning today and planning out the rest of my week, I realized that I have taken on all of her traits and habits.
It’s always the same: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday…I watch the others. Wednesday is outside the house chore day. Saturday, I clean. Sunday is grocery shopping (if I didn’t get that done Wednesday) and spending time with the whole family. No deviation….ever! I make the beds every morning, I cook every night, I never go to bed with dishes in the sink, I make my husband’s lunch, I do laundry twice a week, I vacuum every day, I pick up toys all day every day, rearrange book shelves, and everything in my apartment is decorated just so and is not to be moved by anyone other than me. I am not as affectionate as my husband would like for me to be because I’m just not a hugger, but he knows that I love him and continues to wait for the affection that he so richly deserves. I love my children, I am proud of all of their accomplishments, and I feel all of their pain. I am a yeller, not a spanker. I do not follow through on all of the many rules that I set. But I love them, and they know that, and in return, they love me too!
I used to watch my mother as I grew up and thought “I will never be like her”. She was always way too busy, too stressed out, too worried about pleasing everyone else, all of the time. She just never seemed to have any time for herself and I was convinced it was because she had such a rigid schedule and she had inflicted this upon herself, so no, this would not be me. But looking at it now, I was wrong, about a lot of things. And you know what? It’s all good! I love my mom and there are a lot of things worse than growing up to be just like her. She is a beautiful, caring, loving woman, a hard worker, and an all-around awesome human being.
So this morning as I was working around here and planning out the rest of my week, walking by the mirror here and there with that familiar “Hi Mom” face staring back at me, I realized I am my mother! And then, after the shock wore off, I realized one more thing….since my mom rocks, that means I rock! Yes, there are far worse things than being my mom, and from now on, when I walk by the mirror, I’m just going to look at that reflection and say “Hey Mom, we rock! Thanks for giving me all of your best! I’m proud and honored to have turned out just like you!”.

Coping With The Holidays

This is not a humorous post, I’m sorry, but the holidays often bring out the doom and gloom in a lot of us. This time of year makes us question our relationships, our status and direction in life, makes us feel the burdens of our finances, makes us feel the distance we have (literally and figuratively) with family and friends….let’s face it, this can be a stressful and depressing time of year! Some take these feelings of anguish to the extreme, I just tend to mope. You try to stay positive, happy, and dare you try jolly, but sometimes it’s rougher than others. I’m having a hard time this year.
Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I love my life. I love my family and I love that I get to stay home with my babies, but I’m feeling especially non-festive this year and by sharing I feel I might be able to cope a little better and I’m hoping that if anyone else can relate, maybe they won’t feel as alone.
I miss my girls, this might be the hardest part of all. Yes, they are 21 and 16 and I know they are OK, but I’m not with them, I’ve always been with them. There were many Christmases when it was just “the girls and I” and now I spend Christmases without them. I am not alone by any means, but this in fact makes me feel lonely so I mope!.
We are a recession family, we’re broke! Normally, I’m OK with that…we pay the bills, we eat, we have a roof over our heads, but I want to buy my kids things for Christmas that I know I can’t afford. They will all be fine and none of them (but 2) will complain, but it saddens my heart. I want them to have things, I want to see them smile, I want to be the one to give them these things and make those smiles happen. But unfortunately, that is not in the cards, so again I mope!
My husband gets frustrated because he “can’t give us the things that we need”, but he’s wrong. He gives us all of the necessities in life and I’m frustrated that I am not able to contribute more financially, this measly babysitting money is not helping much at all! I’m sad that he feels that he is not a good provider, he is, I tell him often but I don’t think he really hears me! Again I mope!
Well, we’ve decorated our apartment, we put up our little tree, we’re counting down the days until Christmas on our little count-down board, but I just can’t shake this funk no matter how hard I try. I know there are many of you out there facing similar feelings, especially this year, and I want you to know you are not alone. This time of year is rough, it is OK to mope, but it is NOT OK to take it to the extreme. I say, let’s all “man up” and try to make jolly and enjoy the holidays! From this day forward until Christmas (and hopefully every day thereafter), I am going to remind myself that I am healthy, I have 6 healthy children, I do have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a husband that I love truly, madly, deeply! So to all of you fellow mopers, happy holidays…let’s just try to enjoy our blessings rather than dwell on the stuff we can’t change! Peace, Love, and Hope to all of you!

Low Sodium, Low Carbs, A New Diet…Oh My!

Before I begin, let me remind you that I am 98 pounds soaking wet. I have had 4 children by c-section and 2 tubaligations and still I am 98 pounds. I am a vegetarian and I do not eat much at all. I say this because I would like to let you know that we are on yet another diet in my house. Why oh why do I have to subject myself to these diets? I could use a little more exercise, but diet? This is a lot of work for a skinny girl!
We are already low sodium because of B’s medical issues. I have this under control and this is a good thing, I hate salt anyway but the label reading at the beginning of this life change was a bitch to say the least. I’ve never had to watch labels. But now it is old hat so it’s all good. Then, about a week ago my husband tells me that his ever-increasing waistline is not acceptable to him at the ripe old age of 32 and he wants to do something about it. So being the expert that I am, I Googled it. Cut carbs, hands down! I explain my “professional” findings to him, and he’s in, even started an exercise program that evening. He is a gung-ho kind of guy! All or nothing! No bread, no sugar, no fried foods, no fast food…this was going to be hard, but the overly-salt-everything-king had made it through the sodium switch, so we got this!
Day one did not go so well. Texts started coming through at about 1:00 pm. “I’m starving”, “I’m not going to make it through the day”, “I feel sick”, “I’m so hungry I could die”, and “Let’s hope I can stay awake on the drive home and not wreck and die”. Yes, this was a little dramatic I thought, and I know he was kidding at some level, but this all or nothing thing was not working for sure! So, of course, as any professional would do, I went back to Google. Apparently, brown is better than white. No white bread, no white rice, no white flour so I decided to head to the grocery store! My usual one-hour shopping excursion turned into a two-hour ordeal. Apparently, low sodium conflicts heavily with low carb. You can buy baked crackers with 0 carbs but they are loaded with sodium, you can buy no salt added beans but they are loaded with carbs. Look at the labels yourself, it was rough, but the babies and I got through our shopping ordeal and came home with $80 worth of groceries that would accommodate all of these new dietary needs. So we are day 3 on this diet and he doesn’t come home pale, he is still exercising, I’m working my ass off, but he’s happy. The things we do for love!
Tonight, after cleaning all morning, showering, getting ready (damn my hair looked good today), going to the dollar store (I loves me some dollar store), then going grocery shopping, I got home late so I whipped up some tilapia, brown rice, and green beans. I fixed their ever so bland looking plates and set them all up at the table where they feasted like kings (and a little bug princess). Then I heated a four-cheese hot pocket in the microwave for myself! I was very sensitive not to sit at the table with them though, that would just be rude, so I ate by myself in front of the TV! So I’m really hoping this diet works quickly, he drops these few extra pounds, and the exercise regime sticks. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this diet! I’ve decided a low-carb diet is not for sissies and I’ve decided that I am, in fact, a sissy! Wish me luck!