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How to Cope with BTS Mom Blues

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While most parents rejoice during back-to-school season, some of us suffer from the BTS Mom Blues. Probably not a clinical term, but a real condition. Try practicing these five ways to cope with BTS Mom Blues to combat your loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

While most parents rejoice during back-to-school days, some of us suffer from the BTS Mom Blues. Probably not a clinical term, but a real condition. Try practicing these five ways to cope with BTS Mom Blues to combat your loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

What are the BTS Mom Blues?

While many of you are cheering back-to-school season and cherishing your quiet time alone, there are others, like myself, feeling empty and blue. While you may feel that you are getting SO MUCH DONE in these first few days, weeks, months, some of us can’t concentrate or get motivated enough to get anything done.

These issues and many more, my happy-go-lucky-loving-your-empty-day-nest friends, are called the BTS Mom Blues. And it’s rough! I’m prone to tears at any given moment, I have the television on mindless shows for “white noise”, every time I get out of a meeting, I look up expecting one of them, any of them, to immediately need something from me.

But they don’t. They aren’t even here. I’m all alone in my house. Just me, no noise other than the constant pecking of these keys.

While most parents rejoice during back-to-school days, some of us suffer from the BTS Mom Blues. Probably not a clinical term, but a real condition. Try practicing these five ways to cope with BTS Mom Blues to combat your loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

Coping with the BTS Mom Blues!

If you miss frolicking with your kids during the care-free summer days, and if you’re a sufferer like me, I have some tips for coping you should try. You might not want/need to listen, but believe me, at this point I’m an expert with six kids and a total of 29 years full-time parenting under my belt (with a 9 and 11 year old still at home!).

While most parents rejoice during back-to-school days, some of us suffer from the BTS Mom Blues. Probably not a clinical term, but a real condition. Try practicing these five ways to cope with BTS Mom Blues to combat your loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

Tip 1: Let them know you’re OK!

When they go to school on the first day, and all the subsequent days, let them know you’re OK with it. Sounds silly, but telling them helps you convince yourself. Added bonus for giving them that added boost of courage and confidence. Mom “wins” help you cope with your BST Blues.

While most parents rejoice during back-to-school days, some of us suffer from the BTS Mom Blues. Probably not a clinical term, but a real condition. Try practicing these five ways to cope with BTS Mom Blues to combat your loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

Tip 2: Let them be unicorns!

I know this one might sound a little trite, cliché even, but really it’s not at all. For those of us who suffer the BTS Mom Blues, we need to remember that our children need to be unique and forge their own paths in life. If we keep them with us all the time (which is truly what I want to do other than the occasional date night, etc.), we don’t give them the space they need to make friends, become stronger, learn more, and just grow up to be amazing humans…all on their own!

While most parents rejoice during back-to-school days, some of us suffer from the BTS Mom Blues. Probably not a clinical term, but a real condition. Try practicing these five ways to cope with BTS Mom Blues to combat your loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

Tip 3: Make the most of together time!

No brainer here. When they get off of school, finish up your work, help them with homework, then let them help make dinner for the night or lunches for the next day. You’ll begin to realize that the time you spent alone wasn’t so bad after all and it just makes you appreciate your time together that much more!

Tip 4: Use the TV for mindless white noise!

During the day, if you feel it’s too quiet to function, like I do, since you’ve grown so accustomed to the chaos, turn on the TV for some white noise. Keep the volume low so as not to distract you from your work, but the background noise will actually help raise your productivity. Trust me, I know from experience. Don’t turn on something that will suck you in, of course, because that’s counter productive. I suggest Jerry Springer (yes, I’m serious) or something similar. Lots of fighting, no resolution. Just like when the kids are at home!

Tip 5: Remember that you deserve alone time!

As moms, I think this one is the hardest. I almost think guilt plays a HUGE part in the BTS Mom Blues. We need to be needed in all aspects of our lives. Home, work, husband, kids, you name it; we need to be needed so we feel a sense of emptiness if any of those aspects aren’t with us at all times. Break the cycle. They need you, whether they are with you in the moment or not, they need you. Remember that every time you start to feel blue.

That’s about it. I guess I’m not much on advice since I still suffer this horrible ailment (at least for the first half of the school year) every year, but that’s my advice in a nutshell. Seems simple, straight forward, and somewhat elementary (see what I did right there?), but it’s how I get through these days and I’m hoping it will help y’all out too. Hang in there, mommas, we got this. What advice do you have for beating the BTS Mom Blues? I’d love to hear them in the comments below!

An Unlikely Casualty of Bullying

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As a mom, it’s hard to deal with your child being bullied. Constant contact with school officials, too many scares to be counted, crying (both of you) more than you should, but what do you do when your child becomes an unlikely casualty of bullying?

As a mom, it's hard to deal with your child being bullied. Constant contact with school officials, too many scares to be counted, crying (both of you) more than you should, but what do you do when your child becomes an unlikely casualty of bullying?

An Unlikely Casualty of Bullying

Our experience with bullies in today’s middle school has been life altering. Literally. There’s been an unlikely casualty here, and although I’m fortunate it’s not a tangible human casualty, my daughter is forever changed, I fear. Before you go thinking I’m being a little overly dramatic again, let’s define casualty.

cas·u·al·ty (noun):

  • a person killed or injured in a war or accident.
  • a person or thing badly affected by an event or situation.

My Bug falls heavily under that second definition. She’s different. Everything about her has changed. She’s no longer just a bad ass, she’s borderline bad, and she’s completely shut down.

As a mom, it's hard to deal with your child being bullied. Constant contact with school officials, too many scares to be counted, crying (both of you) more than you should, but what do you do when your child becomes an unlikely casualty of bullying?

From Cheers to Tears!

Although Kylee has always had an “attitude” issue, she was a very cheerful kid who sang, danced, and took over every situation whenever she could just to be the star of the show. The start of middle school was a huge win for our Bug. She was on the cheer squad, in band, getting fantastic grades, and all of the teachers just thought she was a doll. She was the quintessential student and she had a huge group of “friends”.

Then the bullying started. One incident after another. Some mild mannered that we worked through, some absolutely blood curdling. But with each instance, I watched my daughter change. With each mean word, slap, threat, lack of action (and actual bullying) by some administrators…she just kept changing. She was shutting down.

My daughter was shutting down.

As a mom, it's hard to deal with your child being bullied. Constant contact with school officials, too many scares to be counted, crying (both of you) more than you should, but what do you do when your child becomes an unlikely casualty of bullying?

The Day My Daughter Changed

I can’t say I recall the exact day, the exact moment, that Kylee became a different person, but I can say that her entire personality is an unlikely casualty of bullying. I’ve been supportive, I’ve been at the school, I’ve documented everything, I’ve encouraged my daughter regularly, but she’s different.

Whatever day it was, or series of days, I’ve watched my daughter slowly die inside and a new person has emerged. This person is not as kind or loving as the last one was; not even close. She’s no longer very talkative, she fights with everyone at home, she rolls her eyes at her teachers, she complains about changing for cheer (if she goes to practice at all), she stopped bringing her bassoon home to practice. She doesn’t sing like she used to, she doesn’t dance a whole lot.

Her new “friend” group is actually the last round of bullies. Yes, she’s with them now since she couldn’t stand strongly against them, since the administrators labeled her “one of them”. I mean, if she has to go to ISS every time she speaks up against one of them, she might as well be friends with them. Of course I understand, but I don’t condone it. She hasn’t (and will NOT) hurt anyone, but she’ll slowly roll with this group of girls until she’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s afraid to find a new friend group since they all “turn on her anyway” so she’s settled here rather than being alone.

What would you do?

I, personally, would rather be alone and I’ve told her that repeatedly, but I can’t be there every minute of every day. I can only be there to pick her up every time she falls. And I will.

In the meantime, I’m here watching over her as best I can, protecting her every step of the way, and watching her slowly die inside while I stand helplessly by. No words I can say, no hug, no anything will erase what she’s gone through. I just hope one day in the near future she realizes that her whole life doesn’t have to change, she doesn’t have to change, and she’s back to the feisty little bad ass that I love so much!

Right now, unfortunately, her psyche is an unlikely casualty of bullying and I miss her.

When Your Daughter Gets Bullied

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It’s an ugly world that we’re raising kids in these days. But what do you do when your daughter gets bullied in the 5th grade? Not a little picking, we’re talking full-blown threats to her livelihood. Our experience with bullies in today’s middle school.

It's an ugly world that we're raising kids in these days. But what do you do when your daughter gets bullied in the 5th grade? Not a little picking, we're talking full-blown threats to her livelihood. Our experience with bullies in today's middle school.

I always thought…not my Bug. Who would bully her? I mean, she’s a bad ass so everyone should be scared of her, right? Totally wrong because she’s not a bully…just a bad ass (I say that with love). There’s a difference.

Bad Ass vs Bully: There’s a Difference

A bad ass kid, like my Bug, just does her own thing. She’s not overly nice to others most times, does and says what she wants, and she doesn’t always fit in. She doesn’t usually care. The kid talks back often, refuses to listen (even if it’s for her own good), but she hurts no one really, at least not in a threatening way.

A bully, on the other hand, is a whole different (disgusting) breed. They thrive on drama, chaos, and instilling fear in others. We all know, as adults, that a bully is just a weak person who enjoys intimidating others, but let’s get back to bullying in the 5th grade. A 5th grader (or 6th, 7th, 8th…oh, really through adulthood) bully cares only about himself. The adrenaline rush they get (I suppose) from preying on the fears and vulnerability of others is what fuels their disgraceful fire and they’ll stop at nothing short of a scared fellow human, a brawl, or unfortunately in our case, a small-scale riot. Bullies are assholes.

Bad ass kids are confused and hormonal. Again, there’s a difference! Neither is OK if you’re a parent, but one is understandable; the other is NOT.

Let’s Talk about Bug’s Bully…

Well, let’s back up first. The bully thing all started when she entered the 5th grade, middle school in our parts. I mean, there were issues in elementary school, of course, but nothing that brought blood-curdling fear into my body and mind. That started here, this year, in the 5th grade. I may be saying in the 5th grade a lot, because that’s important. We all hear of crime every day and as sad as it is, that’s the world we live in. But that crime comes out of poverty, ignorance, adulthood…right? WRONG! Apparently it happens in 5th grade now, and I’ve had enough!

It's an ugly world that we're raising kids in these days. But what do you do when your daughter gets bullied in the 5th grade? Not a little picking, we're talking full-blown threats to her livelihood. Our experience with bullies in today's middle school.

Where it all began…

There was a girl in gym class who didn’t like my Bug. I mean, I get it, we don’t all have to like everyone. Dodgeball was a target session against my daughter. Basketball games were a game of dodgeball for my daughter. It just didn’t stop. We went to the office and reported it. It stopped. Not sure if that girl got in trouble or not, don’t care, but it stopped. Whew!

Fast forward two weeks…Bug had an issue with a kid in gym class. He’d been unkind to her all through elementary school (which I knew) and it escalated one day at gym class (notice a theme yet?). He picked, he prodded, she SLAPPED him. OMG…my kid was the bully. But no, she fought back, the school recognized it, she got ISS. She did the crime, she did the time. I supported their decision. The end, or so I thought.

Fast forward yet another week…Bug was now labeled as a “fighter”. It spiraled. The girl that had SPENT THE NIGHT at my house that Saturday, the one that had been friends with Bug since the 2nd grade…yea, that one…got mad at Bug in the hallway over a hug. A HUG by both of their admission. In gym class that day (come on now…you see where the issue is here, right?), this girl…bully…approached Bug. She threw up a hand, a fist, and swung. Bug ducked. The bully provoked her with “hit me, just hit me first so I can hit you and get this over with”. Bug refused (good Bug!) and the kids, the bully’s thugs, started chanting to provoke a fight! The gym teacher gave both girls in-class ISS, the vice principal talked to them. That was it. So we thought.

The next morning, Bug sat far away from the girl she formerly called friend. Didn’t work. Her big sister (yes, 7th graders can seem very intimidating and a lot bigger to 5th graders) approached her and said,

Leave my fucking sister alone. Just wait until I catch you in the bathroom alone because I’m gonna FUCK YOU UP!

Let that sink in.

She said it low, but it was in a room full of students and administrators. She wasn’t scared of getting in trouble. She was bullying my daughter. In the adult world, that’s a terroristic threat punishable by law. In the world of the middle school bullies, it’s nothin’ but a thang.

I seriously need for you to let that sink in!

I got a text from my daughter within five seconds of the incident. My bad ass kid was scared, as was I. Have you seen the Lifetime movies where one high school girl (they haven’t made one about middle school YET) gets mad at another so she gets a group of friends together and they take the other girl in the bathroom and start to beat her just to scare her, but things go too far and that girl hits her head on the sink and dies then everyone’s sorry? Yea, I’ve seen them too and that’s all I saw in my head that very second I got the message from my daughter.

Might sound a little dramatic, but is it really? Not in my head. Not on the news!

It's an ugly world that we're raising kids in these days. But what do you do when your daughter gets bullied in the 5th grade? Not a little picking, we're talking full-blown threats to her livelihood. Our experience with bullies in today's middle school.

What to Do When Your Daughter Gets Bullied?

My reaction was to immediately call the school and insist (NO I DO NOT CARE THAT THEY ARE IN A MORNING MEETING) that I speak with someone immediately. I got the counselor. Very kind, very understanding, very empathetic, but her daughter hadn’t just been threatened. She would do something RIGHT AWAY and call me right back. Seconds turned into minutes, turned into hours, turned into a return call. She’d “handled” it. The bully and her bully sister have a rough life (I know this!) and they’re sorry. Of course they’re sorry they got caught! You know, getting caught for telling someone you’ll FUCK THEM UP is a big deal.

The girls can never speak to Bug again. Did I want to push ISS? No, what good does that do? Oh nothing you say…yea, me too, but my daughter “served her time”. Whatever. Stop the bullying!

That wasn’t the last instance. New girl, different day, same gym class, fat lip from a slap. The thing is, bullying, threatening (KILLING) in schools, even middle schools, these days is a thing. How did we get to this place? How did we let this world break like this? When, where did it happen and how in the hell do we just make it stop?

My daughter doesn’t deserve to be bullied, neither does anyone else’s daughter or son. What are we going to do? What do you do when your daughter or son gets bullied? Bug’s a very different person now than she was when she entered 5th grade. It’s heartbreaking and I need to do more; we all need to do more!