Fall, everyone’s favorite season, but it’s not mine, at all. The season of changing leaves, sweaters, pumpkins, apples, everything autumn? I hate everything about fall for so many reasons!
Fall…it’s my nemesis. I know, I know…you LOVE it. The “beautiful” colors of the changing leaves. The pumpkin spiced everything. The apples. The crisp, clean air. The sweaters. What’s not to love, right? Everyone’s favorite season, but it’s not. *GASP* I know I’m not alone. Fall is not a beautiful, nor a happy, season in any way and I’m so clueless as to how so many people are brainwashed by it’s non-beauty. I hate everything about fall, and if you really think about it, so do a lot of you. Let me explain.
1. Fall is the Season of Death
Those changing leaves you love? That’s LIVE foliage DYING. Death. Fall is the season of death. Do you really, really love watching things die? I think we all fear death, try to avoid it at any cost imaginable. Why would we really celebrate it? I don’t know either, but you fall lovers sure do! Wanna rethink that?
2. Pumpkin Spice Everything
I hate pumpkin spice. The coffee, the pasta (shudder), the desserts, all of it. Cut open a pumpkin RIGHT NOW! How does it smell? Do you love it? Nope. It’s got a rotten smell from the get go. It’s stringy and seedy. But you allowed a coffee chain to convince you that the fake flavor they gave this (should have been left as a jack-o-lantern and roasted seed producer) fruit rule three full months of your life. As a marketer, I’m impressed. As a human, I gag. Just say no to pumpkin spice!
3. Halloween Weather
O.M.G. how I love Halloween (this year was ridiculously fun!). But the weather is less than impressive. It’s unpredictable and costume wearing is difficult. Wanna be a princess? Better have some heavy leggings and a sweater to go with that…just in case (which will not look princess-y at all). Going to a party as a smexy kitty cat? Better wear a foxy coat! If you’re ready for your eskimo costume, you might have to trim it down because it could be as hot as hades outside. Hello, fall…this is fun!
4. Apple Season
Look! This might be the biggest debate and the TRUTH might surprise you. Apple season is not a passage of fall that everyone should savor. I can get apples all. damned. year. long at Kroger. They’re good. They’re crisp. All. damned. year. long. I don’t need fall for this. Your case is closed.
5. Fall-Hater Haters
Here’s the thing…you, you know who you are, keep sharing things with me in private, on my Facebook wall, in the mail, that pertain to my hatred of pumpkin and fall everything. Do you really think that’s cute, amusing, or unique? It’s annoying AF. Can’t you just leave me alone in my misery without rubbing salted caramel lattes into my wounds? We’re friends, right?
So, do you really love fall that much? Is it really everyone’s favorite season? A whole heck of a lot of us like spring (think NEW life, not death) and summer (ahhh, the season of sunshine and flip flops)…a whole heck of a lot. Maybe, just maybe, those are everyone’s favorite seasons. I truly hate everything about fall (except for Halloween of course). How about you?