Life isn’t always sunshine and sparkles. We all know this but we plug along and we hope for the best. For the most part, my life is pretty sparkly and sunshine abounds. But lately, for the past month or so primarily, it’s been pretty craptastic and I’ve been trying to hide that from you. I’d rather share my sparkles than to dull the sparkles of others with my tales of woe.
I’ve stayed relatively quiet on social so as not to be negative and I’ve buried myself in my work because that’s where I shine. I have this
obsession strong desire to be perfect and I tend to gravitate towards those that appreciate my perceived perfection. That’s how I reward myself and how I feed my perfectionist tendencies. But I tend to neglect those that see my flaws. I hide from them. I hide my feelings of rejection and hurt and I ignore their wants and needs because they just don’t see how great I am, every single moment of every single day.
But this month, the bottom fell out. There was real trouble within my own home and I ignored it because I don’t like ugly. I had buried myself so deeply in the sparkly things, that I’d neglected to see and correct the ugly. My family was falling apart, and I ignored it. It would go away. Or would it? No, it would rear its ugly head and culminate in a family-breaking event. I had to face it but I didn’t know how. The damage was done.
I won’t go in to detail because even someone that lives such a public life realizes that some things should remain behind closed doors. I know you can respect that. I will say that I woke up this morning and realized that I needed to make a change.
Today, the babies and I headed to the island to cleanse. That is our home and we needed to see true beauty. We quite honestly packed the car down with everything that would fit and had planned on staying. Instead, we laughed, we spent time together, we had lots of “huggie time”, but in the end, we decided to come back to this dreaded place to put our family back in order. Our family belongs together. And our family, as a whole, has decided that we need to get our acts together and back to our roots. There will be counseling, I’m sure. There will be more tears, I’m sure. There will be a lot of soul searching. But we will remain a family, on that we all agree.
On a positive note, we’ve decided to move back to the island before we had planned. That is where we belong and I plan on looking in to that first thing in the morning. We need to get out of here! And I have a crazy exciting new job that kicks off tomorrow that will offer more stability and a more structured schedule that will allow more time for my family. The cleansing today has really given me a new lease on life. I’d gotten in to a rut and I helped to facilitate the down slide of my family. I’m ready for my new adventure and my happy, healthy family again.
Life should be primarily sunshine and sparkles and I say bring it! I’m ready to feel whole again.