My 4-year-old daughter, Bug, is a piece of work. To say that she is head-strong, determined, and stubborn would be an understatement. She is a beautiful child, gorgeous really, and I’m not just saying that, she actually is. If you were to just look at her and not get to know her, you would think that she was an absolute angel (certainly not so). She talks incessantly, I mean from the moment she wakes to the moment she passes out from exhaustion. She is my challenge in life, my God-given test of patience. She is frustrating, occasionally potty-mouthed, and bossy. This is not to say that Bug is ill-mannered, she is not. She always says, “please” (as in ‘please get me a drink NOW’), “thank you” (once you get her that drink), and “excuse me” (although this one usually comes out something more like ‘excuse me I farted/burped’ but it is excuse me just the same). She is not a bad kid, just very vocal and mischievous, and as her mother, I often have a hard time keeping a straight face while attempting to reprimand her.
With this said, I will be adding a little section to this blog entitled “Bugisms”. Her little rants are sometimes frustrating, but funny none-the-less, and here I will try to impart some of her funny little ways upon you. I hope you will indulge me and enjoy! These “Bugisms” will not be a regular post as they come and go like the wind and I can’t predict her behavior from day-to-day, but as they occur, I will share for a giggle.
Bubby, my 2-year-old doesn’t talk much, he doesn’t have to. He gets whatever he wants without exerting himself! Apparently Bug is not OK with this. One day I was putting on “my face” in the bathroom and I hear, “Bubby…say ‘Momma’, say ‘Dada’, say ‘Bug’ (and these are things he can obviously already say so I figured she was just warming him up/making him feel a little more confident for what was to come). He repeats them all in his dutiful manner, then I hear her say “Bubby, say Joctopuss” (yes my kids are Disney Channel Junkies). Hearing this, I said “Bug, that’s too much for him, try something easier”. She replies in her sternest, squeakiest little voice “Shush Mom, I’m trying to learn him in here”. Poor little soft-hearted soul doesn’t stand a chance against his strong-willed sister!
So stay tuned, this is definitely one of the milder ones, but I wanted to start slow because we will amaze, sometimes shock, and amuse you, I promise. This little girl is something serious. To know her is to love her, and I hope you get to love her like I do….MY BUG!
It’s 10:00 am, 5 hours till take off and things are NOT going well. Let’s start with the fact that my oldest daughter “gets” me, bless her little heart, she “is” me! So last night she offered to pick up the boy child and his sister this morning and bring them back to her apartment today to take one more bump out of my otherwise rocky road. B called the boy child who informed him that his sister is not at home so this will not work with their schedule. I know, you are shocked as was I. So we go back to the original broken plan of having to meet them Thursday morning before going to my mom’s house. At this point, I’m handling this all quite well, Bud Light and Marlboro seem to be my only friends though.
I believe I mentioned that Bubby has had an over-active bowel problem over the past few days and has developed a rash. Well, wonder of all wonders, I wake up with the same problem, not the rash of course but I have the shits (enough with trying to put this politely). Oh and to add to this complication, I have a spasm in my back. I’m beginning to think this all might be a little stress-induced, but not certain. It’s OK though, I’ve got this. I have Amodium and Goody Powders, it’s all good!
I text B to see what time his “lunch” is at work today so I know when he might get home and I can be ready so we can leave. I know this too will shock you, but until today, he has neglected to obtain this little important tidbit of information. So the lunch is from 11:00 until 1:00 (2 whole hours…but he has to stay for it or he won’t get paid for the whole day, and God knows we need the whole day’s pay). This puts him home at about 2:00 pm putting us in Georgia somewhere around 3:00 or 4:00 am their time. Yes, this is going well, right according to plan! Then shortly after this blow, he calls to tell me that the waste-of-air had called him to “warn” him that the boy child and the in-laws have jumped on the crazy train so we might want to be prepared. Really? I didn’t know they had ever gotten off the ride. Thanks for the information lady, now go waste someone else’s air! Oh but she did say that the boy child had lied to her and there was absolutely no reason baby girl couldn’t have picked them up this morning. OK, so now I’m just getting pissed. On to packing.
First step of course was to go clean out the car. As you might imagine, B is somewhat of a slob and although he does wash my car regularly, he is also prone to leave candy wrappers, tools, cups, drink bottles, etc. just lying around in there. But I managed to get all that out, and unload all of the toys that were in there without my wheelbarrow, now I’m ready to start loading. No I’m not, what’s that I smell, Bubby just shat again? Yes, oh yes, this is going exactly according to plan!
I’m sure it will all be OK. I’m certain that I will get packed and ready in time. I’m positive that we will make it there safely. I am not quite as optimistic that I will be able to maintain my cool and I am really working on trying to maintain my cool. I tried to ask for advice from 17 but apparently he isn’t speaking to any one of us anymore, except of course the goat, they are tight. None of us can quite make out what they are saying, but it does NOT sound pleasant. We are all afraid, very afraid!