I’ve learned a lot of life lessons as of late. Some of them have been hard lessons, but they’ve all been important. I’ve made some tough calls, and I’ve made some tough decisions. I’m proud of the decisions I’ve made, right or wrong. I’m proud that I’m finally standing up for myself. Self-reflection is important. Often, you need to look from within, to look at your surroundings, and decide what is best for you. I’m doing that, finally, for a change. And I feel strong.
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”~Confucius
Last night, B and I took a little walk and sat by the pool, just the two of us. As he sat on the side of the hot tub soaking his tired feet, I ran around taking pictures because that’s what any normal person does at a pool of course. I wasn’t gone very long though and as I rounded the corner, I saw him sitting there quietly, listening to music. He looked intense and incredibly handsome as he gazed in to his reflection.
What was he thinking? Was it about our relationship, our family, his career? Was he pondering past mistakes he’s made and wondering how he could make things right again? Was he rehashing mistakes I’ve made and trying to figure out how he could discuss them with me because he’s just not much of a communicator? Was he thinking about our children’s futures? Life’s meaning in general? I’d like to think his thoughts were as deep as his gaze in to his reflection.
I was going to ask but honestly, it seemed like a very personal moment. Instead I quietly sat down beside him, gave him a kiss, and struck up a conversation. You see, I didn’t ask for two reasons: 1) Those were his thoughts and if he wanted me to know, he would have told me, or he will when the time is right; and more importantly 2) Truth be known, he might just have been thinking he’d rather be fishing because he hasn’t been at all since we’ve been back on the island.
I like my scenario better. I’m sure I’m over thinking what he was thinking because I do that often. But either way, I’m glad he had a moment of reflection and I’m happy I left his moment alone.