middle school Archives - Insanity Is Not An Option

An Unlikely Casualty of Bullying

As a mom, it’s hard to deal with your child being bullied. Constant contact with school officials, too many scares to be counted, crying (both of you) more than you should, but what do you do when your child becomes an unlikely casualty of bullying?

An Unlikely Casualty of Bullying

Our experience with bullies in today’s middle school has been life altering. Literally. There’s been an unlikely casualty here, and although I’m fortunate it’s not a tangible human casualty, my daughter is forever changed, I fear. Before you go thinking I’m being a little overly dramatic again, let’s define casualty.

cas·u·al·ty (noun):

a person killed or injured in a war or accident.

a person or thing badly affected by an event or situation.

My Bug falls heavily under that second definition. She’s different. Everything about her has changed. She’s no longer just a bad ass, she’s borderline bad, and she’s completely shut down.

From Cheers to Tears!

Although Kylee has always had an “attitude” issue, she was a very cheerful kid who sang, danced, and took over every situation whenever she could just to be the star of the show. The start of middle school was a huge win for our Bug. She was on the cheer squad, in band, getting fantastic grades, and all of the teachers just thought she was a doll. She was the quintessential student and she had a huge group of “friends”.

Then the bullying started. One incident after another. Some mild mannered that we worked through, some absolutely blood curdling. But with each instance, I watched my daughter change. With each mean word, slap, threat, lack of action (and actual bullying) by some administrators…she just kept changing. She was shutting down.

My daughter was shutting down.

The Day My Daughter Changed

I can’t say I recall the exact day, the exact moment, that Kylee became a different person, but I can say that her entire personality is an unlikely casualty of bullying. I’ve been supportive, I’ve been at the school, I’ve documented everything, I’ve encouraged my daughter regularly, but she’s different.

Whatever day it was, or series of days, I’ve watched my daughter slowly die inside and a new person has emerged. This person is not as kind or loving as the last one was; not even close. She’s no longer very talkative, she fights with everyone at home, she rolls her eyes at her teachers, she complains about changing for cheer (if she goes to practice at all), she stopped bringing her bassoon home to practice. She doesn’t sing like she used to, she doesn’t dance a whole lot.

Her new “friend” group is actually the last round of bullies. Yes, she’s with them now since she couldn’t stand strongly against them, since the administrators labeled her “one of them”. I mean, if she has to go to ISS every time she speaks up against one of them, she might as well be friends with them. Of course I understand, but I don’t condone it. She hasn’t (and will NOT) hurt anyone, but she’ll slowly roll with this group of girls until she’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s afraid to find a new friend group since they all “turn on her anyway” so she’s settled here rather than being alone.

What would you do?

I, personally, would rather be alone and I’ve told her that repeatedly, but I can’t be there every minute of every day. I can only be there to pick her up every time she falls. And I will.

In the meantime, I’m here watching over her as best I can, protecting her every step of the way, and watching her slowly die inside while I stand helplessly by. No words I can say, no hug, no anything will erase what she’s gone through. I just hope one day in the near future she realizes that her whole life doesn’t have to change, she doesn’t have to change, and she’s back to the feisty little bad ass that I love so much!

Right now, unfortunately, her psyche is an unlikely casualty of bullying and I miss her.

When Your Daughter Gets Bullied

By Christy 13 Comments

It’s an ugly world that we’re raising kids in these days. But what do you do when your daughter gets bullied in the 5th grade? Not a little picking, we’re talking full-blown threats to her livelihood. Our experience with bullies in today’s middle school.

I always thought…not my Bug. Who would bully her? I mean, she’s a bad ass so everyone should be scared of her, right? Totally wrong because she’s not a bully…just a bad ass (I say that with love). There’s a difference.

Bad Ass vs Bully: There’s a Difference

A bad ass kid, like my Bug, just does her own thing. She’s not overly nice to others most times, does and says what she wants, and she doesn’t always fit in. She doesn’t usually care. The kid talks back often, refuses to listen (even if it’s for her own good), but she hurts no one really, at least not in a threatening way.

A bully, on the other hand, is a whole different (disgusting) breed. They thrive on drama, chaos, and instilling fear in others. We all know, as adults, that a bully is just a weak person who enjoys intimidating others, but let’s get back to bullying in the 5th grade. A 5th grader (or 6th, 7th, 8th…oh, really through adulthood) bully cares only about himself. The adrenaline rush they get (I suppose) from preying on the fears and vulnerability of others is what fuels their disgraceful fire and they’ll stop at nothing short of a scared fellow human, a brawl, or unfortunately in our case, a small-scale riot. Bullies are assholes.

Bad ass kids are confused and hormonal. Again, there’s a difference! Neither is OK if you’re a parent, but one is understandable; the other is NOT.

Let’s Talk about Bug’s Bully…

Well, let’s back up first. The bully thing all started when she entered the 5th grade, middle school in our parts. I mean, there were issues in elementary school, of course, but nothing that brought blood-curdling fear into my body and mind. That started here, this year, in the 5th grade. I may be saying in the 5th grade a lot, because that’s important. We all hear of crime every day and as sad as it is, that’s the world we live in. But that crime comes out of poverty, ignorance, adulthood…right? WRONG! Apparently it happens in 5th grade now, and I’ve had enough!

Where it all began…

There was a girl in gym class who didn’t like my Bug. I mean, I get it, we don’t all have to like everyone. Dodgeball was a target session against my daughter. Basketball games were a game of dodgeball for my daughter. It just didn’t stop. We went to the office and reported it. It stopped. Not sure if that girl got in trouble or not, don’t care, but it stopped. Whew!

Fast forward two weeks…Bug had an issue with a kid in gym class. He’d been unkind to her all through elementary school (which I knew) and it escalated one day at gym class (notice a theme yet?). He picked, he prodded, she SLAPPED him. OMG…my kid was the bully. But no, she fought back, the school recognized it, she got ISS. She did the crime, she did the time. I supported their decision. The end, or so I thought.

Fast forward yet another week…Bug was now labeled as a “fighter”. It spiraled. The girl that had SPENT THE NIGHT at my house that Saturday, the one that had been friends with Bug since the 2nd grade…yea, that one…got mad at Bug in the hallway over a hug. A HUG by both of their admission. In gym class that day (come on now…you see where the issue is here, right?), this girl…bully…approached Bug. She threw up a hand, a fist, and swung. Bug ducked. The bully provoked her with “hit me, just hit me first so I can hit you and get this over with”. Bug refused (good Bug!) and the kids, the bully’s thugs, started chanting to provoke a fight! The gym teacher gave both girls in-class ISS, the vice principal talked to them. That was it. So we thought.

The next morning, Bug sat far away from the girl she formerly called friend. Didn’t work. Her big sister (yes, 7th graders can seem very intimidating and a lot bigger to 5th graders) approached her and said,

Leave my fucking sister alone. Just wait until I catch you in the bathroom alone because I’m gonna FUCK YOU UP!

Let that sink in.

She said it low, but it was in a room full of students and administrators. She wasn’t scared of getting in trouble. She was bullying my daughter. In the adult world, that’s a terroristic threat punishable by law. In the world of the middle school bullies, it’s nothin’ but a thang.

I seriously need for you to let that sink in!

I got a text from my daughter within five seconds of the incident. My bad ass kid was scared, as was I. Have you seen the Lifetime movies where one high school girl (they haven’t made one about middle school YET) gets mad at another so she gets a group of friends together and they take the other girl in the bathroom and start to beat her just to scare her, but things go too far and that girl hits her head on the sink and dies then everyone’s sorry? Yea, I’ve seen them too and that’s all I saw in my head that very second I got the message from my daughter.

Might sound a little dramatic, but is it really? Not in my head. Not on the news!

What to Do When Your Daughter Gets Bullied?

My reaction was to immediately call the school and insist (NO I DO NOT CARE THAT THEY ARE IN A MORNING MEETING) that I speak with someone immediately. I got the counselor. Very kind, very understanding, very empathetic, but her daughter hadn’t just been threatened. She would do something RIGHT AWAY and call me right back. Seconds turned into minutes, turned into hours, turned into a return call. She’d “handled” it. The bully and her bully sister have a rough life (I know this!) and they’re sorry. Of course they’re sorry they got caught! You know, getting caught for telling someone you’ll FUCK THEM UP is a big deal.

The girls can never speak to Bug again. Did I want to push ISS? No, what good does that do? Oh nothing you say…yea, me too, but my daughter “served her time”. Whatever. Stop the bullying!

That wasn’t the last instance. New girl, different day, same gym class, fat lip from a slap. The thing is, bullying, threatening (KILLING) in schools, even middle schools, these days is a thing. How did we get to this place? How did we let this world break like this? When, where did it happen and how in the hell do we just make it stop?

My daughter doesn’t deserve to be bullied, neither does anyone else’s daughter or son. What are we going to do? What do you do when your daughter or son gets bullied? Bug’s a very different person now than she was when she entered 5th grade. It’s heartbreaking and I need to do more; we all need to do more!

Middle School, B.L.A.A.R., and Lessons from Bug

By Christy 2 Comments

I’d like to thank Click Communications for sending us Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life so that I could share with you my feelings on standardized testing, my Bug’s journey as a square peg, and our feelings in general on this movie.

“Rafe has an epic imagination…and a slight problem with authority. Both collide when he transfers to a rule-crazy middle school. Drowning in do’s and don’ts, Rafe and his best friend Leo hatch a plan to expose the principal by breaking every rule in the school’s Code of Conduct. As the principal strikes back, Rafe’s world, at home and at school, explodes into hilarious chaos (both real and imagined) in this laugh-filled family comedy based on James Patterson’s best-selling book series.”

Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life

When I was first presented with the opportunity to watch Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life, I really had no interest. I mean, for real, I still have kids in elementary school, I’ve watched others of mine go through middle school and high school, I’ve LIVED the drama. Why watch it again, from an author’s/script writer’s standpoint?

But then I thought better of my decision.

You see, Bug is about to enter middle school next year (the HECK you say?) and as you know, she’s pretty much a square peg in our round society so these years, indeed, are the worst years of her life (or so it seems). So, of course I rethought my initial scoff and happily agreed to watch the movie with her, and I’m so glad I did.

The books? Apparently my older kids were too old for these (sigh), and my babies were too young. But the movie, well it hit home in many ways. Where to begin…

The B.L.A.A.R. as they call it in the movie, or standardized (forced) testing as we all know it, is by far the centerpiece of this movie and it’s the very bane of my existence. We, as a society, teach our children these days to learn to pass tests rather than just LEARN. I hate it. I’m vocal about it. I truly feel that standardized testing will be the demise of this nation; and I feel that it has caused a nation (sorry millennials, but have you ever watched yourselves function without technology?) of “kids” that can’t function without a cell phone, a laptop, or their favorite apps. Like, if they were stranded on a deserted island, they’d likely be looking for the answers to A) How can I Google how to survive?, B) How can I call my mom on my cell phone to figure out how to survive?, C) Can Instagram show me how to survive?, or D) HOLY SHIT, none of my crap works anymore…now what?

I have many non-family-friendly terms for how I feel about the B.L.A.A.R. testing that goes on in today’s world that I’ll spare you, but I will say, I’m glad that I actually LEARNED before this was a thing. I’m glad this movie called that out! I’m just going to assume the writers weren’t millennials and leave that at that. (GET OFF MY LAWN!)

Next, the imagination, animation, and general family and friends ties in the movie were moving. Mom kind of lost her way through the first part, as most single moms do, but in the end (spoiler alert), she did what all good moms do and chose her family, her kids, above all else, as she should. Good job and very heart warming.

The personal loss portion of the movie (OMG…another spoiler alert, but near the end, Bug said, ‘DON’T mom, I know that look’ because she knew I was about to lose it) was touching, AND REAL. All of our lives are so full of loss these days, and although my children, thankfully, haven’t had to feel personal loss just yet, I know they, Bug in particular, felt the pain and totally got it.

SO…in a nutshell…this movie is basically a must-see from my perspective as the mom of six. It’s a great combination of present-world frustrations from parents, teachers, and kids alike. It’s funny, it’s heart warming at times, and the imaginative nature of the whole thing is quite entertaining. It’s a great way to show all of the conformists that the square pegs, the “remedials”, can actually rule the world again one day…despite their “failure” on stupid standardized testing.

Einstein was dyslexic. Lincoln had very little formal education. I never graduated college (because I kept having KIDS). None of us ever had to deal with B.L.A.A.R., we all did OK (yes, I just put myself in that company…don’t judge). I loved this movie SO hard. Bug loved it more.

Because we should. And so should you.

Have you seen it yet? If so, what’s your take? If not, WHAT are you waiting for? The DVD and Blu-ray is available in stores January 3, 2017, and if you have a preteen or tween in your house, you totally want this one in your video library!