We’ve had our share of problems, B and I. All marriages do, some of us are just more open about it than others. I don’t want to go in to problems right now though. I want to explain why we’re still together despite the problems. Over the past 12 years, he’s said things that stick with me and carry me through the rough spots. I’m a sap, we all know that.
Rewind 12 years. We were dating. This man child was 10 years my junior and it all started as something less than serious. You see, he was supposed to be a fling. A friend asked what I was looking for and I was clear that I wanted someone that wouldn’t attach. I was VERY clear with that. I had 2 young girls and I was not about to get in to another relationship. And so I was introduced to HIM. He had 2 very young children of his own. Surely he just wanted to screw around too.
But 3 weeks later, I heard it. We were laying in bed talking (and by WE I mean me, him, and his 18 month old daughter). I don’t know how it went “there” but he blurted it out. “I love you Christy”. No you don’t! You don’t even know me! I was speechless and said nothing in return. Weeks went by and I had to admit that I had feelings…OH MY GOODNESS…love for him too.
And so it progressed. This man child and I started spending a lot of time together. Our families started melding. I had my 2 and he had his. They were eating at my house more than a few times a week and he knew I was broke. He offered to help with my bills but I was proud and independent. I wasn’t having that. Then one night, he asked if I wanted to go to Walmart (oh you charmer you) to buy groceries. I needed them, so we headed that way. When we walked in, I asked him what he wanted to buy since it was on his dime this time. His reply? “I’m just here to push the buggy and sign the check”. How cute…he might have roped me with that one.
Fast forward almost a year. We were living together, the kids were forming bonds, things were crazy. We found ourselves alone in the field. I have no clue how, or why, but we were there. It was raining. We didn’t care. I’d fallen deeply in love with him by this point but I still hesitated. I’d been there before. And the best proposal ever (in my head) gushed from his lips. No ring. No plans. Just heart. “I know you’ve been hurt and I know you said you’d never get married or change your name again, but I won’t ever hurt you, and I won’t ever let you down if you promise to change your name one last time.“
I cried and I said yes.
The ring came. Life changed, jobs and kids got in the way (step parenting is rarely easy), and he did hurt me. More than once in fact. But I still remember his early words and other phrases he’s scattered throughout the years. I remember those feelings. And I know that when he holds me, and loves me like he did back then, I feel whole again.
This weekend we went to Target, just he and I, and he pushed the buggy and wrote the check (well swiped his card), and it felt good. It’ll all be fine again because I know that the good times far outweigh the bad. I hold on to things he’s said over the years and I remember that we, and the 2 babies we made together, deserve a real family and a happy life. I remember the things he’s said, and I cherish them, and every so often, he still renders me speechless.