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An Unlikely Casualty of Bullying

As a mom, it’s hard to deal with your child being bullied. Constant contact with school officials, too many scares to be counted, crying (both of you) more than you should, but what do you do when your child becomes an unlikely casualty of bullying?

An Unlikely Casualty of Bullying

Our experience with bullies in today’s middle school has been life altering. Literally. There’s been an unlikely casualty here, and although I’m fortunate it’s not a tangible human casualty, my daughter is forever changed, I fear. Before you go thinking I’m being a little overly dramatic again, let’s define casualty.

cas·u·al·ty (noun):

a person killed or injured in a war or accident.

a person or thing badly affected by an event or situation.

My Bug falls heavily under that second definition. She’s different. Everything about her has changed. She’s no longer just a bad ass, she’s borderline bad, and she’s completely shut down.

From Cheers to Tears!

Although Kylee has always had an “attitude” issue, she was a very cheerful kid who sang, danced, and took over every situation whenever she could just to be the star of the show. The start of middle school was a huge win for our Bug. She was on the cheer squad, in band, getting fantastic grades, and all of the teachers just thought she was a doll. She was the quintessential student and she had a huge group of “friends”.

Then the bullying started. One incident after another. Some mild mannered that we worked through, some absolutely blood curdling. But with each instance, I watched my daughter change. With each mean word, slap, threat, lack of action (and actual bullying) by some administrators…she just kept changing. She was shutting down.

My daughter was shutting down.

The Day My Daughter Changed

I can’t say I recall the exact day, the exact moment, that Kylee became a different person, but I can say that her entire personality is an unlikely casualty of bullying. I’ve been supportive, I’ve been at the school, I’ve documented everything, I’ve encouraged my daughter regularly, but she’s different.

Whatever day it was, or series of days, I’ve watched my daughter slowly die inside and a new person has emerged. This person is not as kind or loving as the last one was; not even close. She’s no longer very talkative, she fights with everyone at home, she rolls her eyes at her teachers, she complains about changing for cheer (if she goes to practice at all), she stopped bringing her bassoon home to practice. She doesn’t sing like she used to, she doesn’t dance a whole lot.

Her new “friend” group is actually the last round of bullies. Yes, she’s with them now since she couldn’t stand strongly against them, since the administrators labeled her “one of them”. I mean, if she has to go to ISS every time she speaks up against one of them, she might as well be friends with them. Of course I understand, but I don’t condone it. She hasn’t (and will NOT) hurt anyone, but she’ll slowly roll with this group of girls until she’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s afraid to find a new friend group since they all “turn on her anyway” so she’s settled here rather than being alone.

What would you do?

I, personally, would rather be alone and I’ve told her that repeatedly, but I can’t be there every minute of every day. I can only be there to pick her up every time she falls. And I will.

In the meantime, I’m here watching over her as best I can, protecting her every step of the way, and watching her slowly die inside while I stand helplessly by. No words I can say, no hug, no anything will erase what she’s gone through. I just hope one day in the near future she realizes that her whole life doesn’t have to change, she doesn’t have to change, and she’s back to the feisty little bad ass that I love so much!

Right now, unfortunately, her psyche is an unlikely casualty of bullying and I miss her.

When Your Daughter Gets Bullied

By Christy 13 Comments

It’s an ugly world that we’re raising kids in these days. But what do you do when your daughter gets bullied in the 5th grade? Not a little picking, we’re talking full-blown threats to her livelihood. Our experience with bullies in today’s middle school.

I always thought…not my Bug. Who would bully her? I mean, she’s a bad ass so everyone should be scared of her, right? Totally wrong because she’s not a bully…just a bad ass (I say that with love). There’s a difference.

Bad Ass vs Bully: There’s a Difference

A bad ass kid, like my Bug, just does her own thing. She’s not overly nice to others most times, does and says what she wants, and she doesn’t always fit in. She doesn’t usually care. The kid talks back often, refuses to listen (even if it’s for her own good), but she hurts no one really, at least not in a threatening way.

A bully, on the other hand, is a whole different (disgusting) breed. They thrive on drama, chaos, and instilling fear in others. We all know, as adults, that a bully is just a weak person who enjoys intimidating others, but let’s get back to bullying in the 5th grade. A 5th grader (or 6th, 7th, 8th…oh, really through adulthood) bully cares only about himself. The adrenaline rush they get (I suppose) from preying on the fears and vulnerability of others is what fuels their disgraceful fire and they’ll stop at nothing short of a scared fellow human, a brawl, or unfortunately in our case, a small-scale riot. Bullies are assholes.

Bad ass kids are confused and hormonal. Again, there’s a difference! Neither is OK if you’re a parent, but one is understandable; the other is NOT.

Let’s Talk about Bug’s Bully…

Well, let’s back up first. The bully thing all started when she entered the 5th grade, middle school in our parts. I mean, there were issues in elementary school, of course, but nothing that brought blood-curdling fear into my body and mind. That started here, this year, in the 5th grade. I may be saying in the 5th grade a lot, because that’s important. We all hear of crime every day and as sad as it is, that’s the world we live in. But that crime comes out of poverty, ignorance, adulthood…right? WRONG! Apparently it happens in 5th grade now, and I’ve had enough!

Where it all began…

There was a girl in gym class who didn’t like my Bug. I mean, I get it, we don’t all have to like everyone. Dodgeball was a target session against my daughter. Basketball games were a game of dodgeball for my daughter. It just didn’t stop. We went to the office and reported it. It stopped. Not sure if that girl got in trouble or not, don’t care, but it stopped. Whew!

Fast forward two weeks…Bug had an issue with a kid in gym class. He’d been unkind to her all through elementary school (which I knew) and it escalated one day at gym class (notice a theme yet?). He picked, he prodded, she SLAPPED him. OMG…my kid was the bully. But no, she fought back, the school recognized it, she got ISS. She did the crime, she did the time. I supported their decision. The end, or so I thought.

Fast forward yet another week…Bug was now labeled as a “fighter”. It spiraled. The girl that had SPENT THE NIGHT at my house that Saturday, the one that had been friends with Bug since the 2nd grade…yea, that one…got mad at Bug in the hallway over a hug. A HUG by both of their admission. In gym class that day (come on now…you see where the issue is here, right?), this girl…bully…approached Bug. She threw up a hand, a fist, and swung. Bug ducked. The bully provoked her with “hit me, just hit me first so I can hit you and get this over with”. Bug refused (good Bug!) and the kids, the bully’s thugs, started chanting to provoke a fight! The gym teacher gave both girls in-class ISS, the vice principal talked to them. That was it. So we thought.

The next morning, Bug sat far away from the girl she formerly called friend. Didn’t work. Her big sister (yes, 7th graders can seem very intimidating and a lot bigger to 5th graders) approached her and said,

Leave my fucking sister alone. Just wait until I catch you in the bathroom alone because I’m gonna FUCK YOU UP!

Let that sink in.

She said it low, but it was in a room full of students and administrators. She wasn’t scared of getting in trouble. She was bullying my daughter. In the adult world, that’s a terroristic threat punishable by law. In the world of the middle school bullies, it’s nothin’ but a thang.

I seriously need for you to let that sink in!

I got a text from my daughter within five seconds of the incident. My bad ass kid was scared, as was I. Have you seen the Lifetime movies where one high school girl (they haven’t made one about middle school YET) gets mad at another so she gets a group of friends together and they take the other girl in the bathroom and start to beat her just to scare her, but things go too far and that girl hits her head on the sink and dies then everyone’s sorry? Yea, I’ve seen them too and that’s all I saw in my head that very second I got the message from my daughter.

Might sound a little dramatic, but is it really? Not in my head. Not on the news!

What to Do When Your Daughter Gets Bullied?

My reaction was to immediately call the school and insist (NO I DO NOT CARE THAT THEY ARE IN A MORNING MEETING) that I speak with someone immediately. I got the counselor. Very kind, very understanding, very empathetic, but her daughter hadn’t just been threatened. She would do something RIGHT AWAY and call me right back. Seconds turned into minutes, turned into hours, turned into a return call. She’d “handled” it. The bully and her bully sister have a rough life (I know this!) and they’re sorry. Of course they’re sorry they got caught! You know, getting caught for telling someone you’ll FUCK THEM UP is a big deal.

The girls can never speak to Bug again. Did I want to push ISS? No, what good does that do? Oh nothing you say…yea, me too, but my daughter “served her time”. Whatever. Stop the bullying!

That wasn’t the last instance. New girl, different day, same gym class, fat lip from a slap. The thing is, bullying, threatening (KILLING) in schools, even middle schools, these days is a thing. How did we get to this place? How did we let this world break like this? When, where did it happen and how in the hell do we just make it stop?

My daughter doesn’t deserve to be bullied, neither does anyone else’s daughter or son. What are we going to do? What do you do when your daughter or son gets bullied? Bug’s a very different person now than she was when she entered 5th grade. It’s heartbreaking and I need to do more; we all need to do more!

Mardi Gras Deco Mesh Ribbon Wreath Tutorial

By Christy Leave a Comment

Make your door the envy of the neighborhood for Mardi Gras when you put this DIY Mardi Gras Deco Mesh Ribbon Wreath together in just 11 super-simple steps. Very forgiving, this DIY wreath tutorial is your new best friend for all of the seasons! Just so you know, I did receive fun decor from Oriental Trading® to facilitate this post, but all opinions are entirely my own.

For once in my life, I’m not going to talk too much (I probably will). I’m going to let this bad a$$ Mardi Gras Ribbon Wreath speak for itself and just tell you how to make it. It’s easy, it’s affordable, and it’s so much better than anything you can find at your local big box store. Plus, you can use this ribbon wreath tutorial to make wreaths for all of the special occasions you want to celebrate. Are y’all ready for this? Seriously, if I can make this, YOU can make this. I’m just not that crafty, so here goes.

Supples to make a Mardi Gras Deco Mesh Wreath:

18″ Wire Wreath Frame
Purple Mesh Tube Ribbon
Green Chenille Stems
Gold Mesh Deco Roll (I used 20″ by 10 yards, but have a lot of length left over for other projects)
Mask of Choice (I used smaller masquerade masks for one wreath and a large jester mask for the other – both shown here.)
Large string of Mardi Gras Beads
Various embellishments like peacock feathers or clip ons

Making your Mardi Gras Deco Mesh Wreath

Cut your mesh tubing to the size of your chenille stems and thread the stem through the tubing. I used eight on the inside ring and eight on the outside ring, but you can adjust that for the fluff factor you’d like.

Simply tie the ribbon-covered stems around the inside wire where you want them, then repeat for the outside wire. It’ll look something like this, but I did remove some of the outside stems before weaving in the deco mesh because I felt like there were too many. Use your creative judgement as you move along. You’ll see!

Once you’re satisfied with the number and placement of your stems, get ready to start adding your deco mesh. Start by gathering the end of the mesh in your hand as shown.

Using the attached stems, tie the end of the mesh to the first one, bunch the mesh as fluffy or flat as you’d like, and tie it down into the next stem. Continue that until the entire inner ring is covered, fluffing as you go.

Once you’re done with the inner ring, repeat those steps for the outer ring. When you’re done with both, your base deco mesh ribbon wreath is done. Time to decorate for the occasion…in this case, Mardi Gras!

Here’s where you gather your masks, beads, peacock feathers, whatever you’ve decided will make this wreath uniquely yours.

First, start with your string of beads (or tinsel if you prefer) and, using the same stems, tie them down in the pattern you prefer. If you’re using beads, make sure the heavy ones are on the bottom, of course!

Now, take the ends of the stems and twirl them around the end of a pencil, remove them from the pencil, and fan them how you’d like. Those stems are a super integral part of this wreath. Not only did they hold everything together, but they’re decorative items all on their own.

Last, but certainly not least, decide how you want your masks and other embellishments to fit into the pretty picture. For one, I chose smaller masks to give a simple and festive look. You can use a little hot glue to tack the masks on, or you can tie them down with the ribbons. Either way works great.

Since we live in Galveston, Mardi Gras decor is pretty much abundant and I found the coolest jester mask at a local drug store and eatery. I knew this had to be my centerpiece for my main wreath. It’s pretty bad a$$, dontchathink?

There’s a little piece of ribbon attached to the back of this mask so we simply attached it to the wire wreath frame with a small piece of wire. I clipped on a couple of sparkly peacock feathers…and done. I love the outcome and how shiny and festive the whole thing is!

Pin this Mardi Gras Deco Mesh Ribbon Wreath for later!

This whole project is really forgiving and simple to make. Once it’s all put together, all of those little imperfections mean nothing. NOT A THING…do you hear me? The outcome is nothing short of breathtaking and you can make this for a fraction of the price (literally, about $50 bucks as opposed to HUNDREDS at specialty stores, Etsy, or even the big box stores) and you have bragging rights this way, so there’s that.

For this Mardi Gras Deco Mesh Ribbon Wreath, I got 90% of my supplies through Oriental Trading® like I always do and you can too! Think it’s too late for a Mardi Gras Wreath (not really, we still have a FULL WEEK)? That’s OK too because this same, simple tutorial can help you build your Easter wreath, welcome spring wreath (seriously, hurry up spring!), or whatever other wreath you can image! What are you waiting for? Let’s get to crafting! Happy Mardi Gras, Y’all!